New Year Actions Instead of Resolutions

Around this time of year, many people make "resolutions." Most of the time, however, they never carry through on those resolutions. What does the word "resolution" mean? Webster's defines resolution as -- "the act or process of reducing to simpler form, the act of analyzing, the act of answering: solving, the act of determining, to find an answer."

The first thing we learn about "resolution" is that it involves some type of action. But, the way we use the word "resolution," it is more like a promise instead of an action. Obviously, passive promises, are more times than not, are easily broken. Resolutions, therefore, for most people are things we they are “promising themselves to do” -- eating better, exercising, being more grateful, being more patient, better controlling their anger, etc.

But according to the above definition, a resolution is an act, a process, something we are already doing. Maybe people would be a lot better off if they followed the wisdom of the old Nike ad -- "Just Do It!"

When I work with clients I use Resolution/Solution Oriented Therapy, which is brief and tackles a current problem with some type of change in action or process. I don’t ask them to make resolutions. I help them take actions that will change things. But, I make it clear that real change does not happen overnight. It is a long process of reframing, retraining, and understanding that our missteps and mistakes are our best teachers.

During the past year, I've started to not over punish myself for my mistakes, but to learn and grow from them. You probably already know this, but it seems to me that worthwhile lessons often come with some type of pain. Maybe that's the way we'll remember them. 

A tool that I have found very useful is The TOV Standard; it is a universal guide that measures thing by how they affect life.

For something to be TOV it must protect life, preserve life, make life more functional and increase the quality of life – all lives, not just mine.

We do not live in a vacuum – our thoughts, words and actions affect other lives. The Creator described in the opening creation account of the Torah places life as His highest value and top priority. His goal for humans is Shalom – completeness, totality and wholeness. When we do acts of TOV, we make our lives, as well as those affected by our thoughts, words and actions more Shalom.

A recent FB post by Hamas said, "The Jews prize Life, and we prize Death." Obviously, they use a different standard than my Creator.

I don't make New Year Resolutions because I am already actively involved in creating the changes I'd like to see. The result of doing TOV motivates and uplifts me. It opens me up to all the amazing opportunities to create TOV for myself and others as well.

This year will be happier, healthier and more grateful for those who choose Life by creating TOV!

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor