In the late 1990’s, I brought my two young children in for play therapy to help them process my divorce. That day, I met a woman who would literally save my life and transform me forever.
She
was thirteen years my junior, the most beautiful, smartest, most competent and
grown up woman I had ever met. I was stressed out, angry, hurt and
approaching 500 pounds, but oddly enough, that first day there were sparks. I
was very attracted to her and sensed the same thing from her. How could
this be? Women like Karen don’t fall for men like me! In my eyes I had the
terrible twos, too old, too fat and two kids!
Over
the next number of months, Karen joined my congregation in Richardson. She
became very involved and studied for her adult bat mitzvah as her son Austin
studied for his bar mitzvah. Karen was a single mom and Austin never had
a “dad” in his life. During this time Karen and I started seeing one
another and Austin flourished having a stable male figure in his life. As
time went on, Karen and I fell in love.
I
didn’t understand it then and I don’t know if I’ll ever fully understand it,
but she saw passed my terrible twos. She loved me, as I was. We decided to
marry. She then put me on her medical insurance and nursed me through having
the gastric bypass. I shrank from being the size of three people down to the
size of one, (OK, maybe one and one quarter!). Life was good.
Besides the birth of my two children, this was the happiest time in my
adulthood.
For
two years and eight months there was real joy. Karen became a second mom and
great model for my children and I became Austin’s “pops.” In May of 2004, Karen
suffered a brain aneurysm, which left her in a permanent vegetative state. I
never saw another look of recognition or heard her voice again. She died in my
arms three months later.
They
say “hindsight” is everything. Karen came to save my life and deposit her most
precious possession with me. I have been truly blessed. I have three amazing
children and have known the true meaning of “love.” When we in the modern world
hear the word love, we think of an emotion, but when we look to the Bible we
see a different meaning. In the Hebrew Bible, the word for “love” is “Ahavah.” The root in Hebrew is “Hav”, which means “to give” -- to love is to give.
The
Hebrew Scriptures have a strikingly pragmatic character. There, “love” includes
conscious acts done in behalf of the person who is loved. So, to love the Lord
and loving your neighbor and yourself involve concrete acts. This is what both
the Jewish tradition and the Jewish Jesus teach.
Real love is the guide
as we walk through the darkness.
Choose Life, Do TOV!
Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor
