Suicide is About Pain

I was sitting and reading, when my daughter texted me about the death of Robin Williams. I, like so many people, was in shock. I grew up watching Mork and Mindy and listened to his standup routines howling with laughter, especially his use of different voices. His death, and the way he chose to end his life have special impact for me, because I specialize in suicide, homicide and domestic violence for the police, military and general public. I help people deal with the shock, anger, grief and devastation caused when someone chooses to end their life.

It has now come out that Robin Williams battled many demons, depression, addiction and most recently a diagnosis of Parkinson’s. Suicide is about pain, and ending that pain. Having thoughts about suicide is not abnormal. In the State of Texas there are 22 million people. It is estimated that at any one time 1 million people are having thoughts of suicide. It becomes a problem when someone decides to act upon those thoughts.

Suicide affects all kinds of people. Belonging to a particular religious group, social club or organization cannot make someone suicide safe! We all have ambivalent feelings. We want to die, but we also want to live. Part of what I do is listening to why someone wants to die and then have them tell me why they want to live. I encourage people to choose life. The program I created is in fact called Choosing Life. It is based on the Biblical idea in the Torah which says, "I put before you this day life and good, death and evil, choose life." Easier said than done!

I am not making a value judgment because I did not experience his pain. Author, Peter Golden said, he gives Robin Williams credit for prevailing as long as he did. It brings to mind the story of the prophet Elijah. He was charged by God with a number of tasks, but ran away into the wilderness and hid. Elijah seems to have burnt out. He loved and served God -- but had a difficult time with human evil. Eventually, God appeared to understand his pain and took him away in a heavenly chariot.

It is not our victories, but prevailing over our failures, defeats and suffering which help us grow and make us more resilient. We are not diviners. We cannot see what waits around the corner. Before my mother died at 95, she asked me, "Why do I have to still be here? I don't want to be Methuselah!" I answered," I don't know. Maybe it's like the first Rocky movie. The night before the fight, he is in the arena by himself and understands that he is not concerned with winning, he just wants to go the distance."

I pray that the soul of Robin Williams is at peace, is whole and out of pain. For me, I am choosing life and helping others to do the same, asking for YAH's help to go the distance! 

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Should they be remembered & honored -- or forgotten, put aside & ignored?

We live in a "throwaway society." Everything is about youth! So many products are created or in most cases tweaked to push back the hands of time. Skin treatments, plastic surgery, body contouring, instant weight loss miracles. The latest craze is testosterone, the answer to everything.

Everything is done to avoid aging and getting "old." It seems when a worker reaches 50 years old, they are considered obsolete, useless, especially when a company can hire younger workers cheaper. There is a great difference between being smart and being wise. Hopefully we become wiser as we age. Being old is not a crime. The real crime is the treatment of these workers and people.

Corporations are always concerned about profit. By ridding themselves of older workers, they are shooting themselves in the foot. Older workers bring wisdom and experience to the market place. They know how to connect to clients on a personal level and build trust and integrity. They take responsibility and have loyalty. Think of how much money and the number of hours spent recruiting and training people who leave or are laid off every few years, or even months. Acting in this manner kills creativity. Everyone wants to be safe. There is no mentoring of younger workers by those with experience. 

There is a very high suicide rate for men in their fifties, men who used to be thought of as prime-age workers at the peak of their experience and ability.

● From 1999 to 2010, rates of suicide overall have gone up, but the steepest rise was for midlife men.

● In those years, suicide rate rose from 20.6 per 100,000 to 30.7 per 100,000.

Our nation has been promoting market solutions that pit midlife employees against younger (or overseas) workers to drive down wages, benefits and job protections in a race to the bottom!

 It is ironic, that despite our longevity, too many Americans are suffering from a very shortened working life. The message to younger workers is a dismal one. The American dream has faded.

This is an ethical and socioeconomic evil, leading to missed productivity and creativity, lost spending power, family disintegration, suicides and loss of hope. Is this what people risk their lives to get to this country for? Is this the model we want to present to our children of a bleak future?

Do not let "profit" destroy the richness that experience and wisdom can bring to our workplace, our society and our lives. If your lucky, you'll get old too!! 

Mark your calendar -- Thursday August 21^st -- is National Senior Citizens Day in America. It is the day to acknowledge the contributions made by senior citizens in communities across the USA. It is the time to recognize the longest survivors. When life is valued above profits in a society, those who have lived the longest are remembered and honored -- not forgotten, put aside & ignored. Maybe the fact that millions look forward to Black Friday, while most people don’t seem to know anything about National Senior Citizens Day, National Parent’s Day or Constitution & Citizens Day -- sends a message about the values of our society.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

President

TOV Center, Inc.

Without a shared standard – who can you trust?

When I was growing up, there was a TV show, hosted by Johnny Carson called, "Who Do You Trust?" Back then, it appeared that there were many people to trust, the policeman, the fireman, the government, your doctor, your bank and banker, your religious authority, your neighbor, those companies and corporations whose products and services you bought with great loyalty. Today, we find we can trust none of these! How can we trust any of these entities when they all commit such terrible acts against us all? 

● Corporations have no problem creating unhealthy dangerous products because of the great profits they bring. They treat their workers as expendable because they can always find someone who will work for less.

● How can there be any respect for religious values when religious authority plays shell games trying to hide child molesters only concerned with their power and authority?

● Banks have always been involved in manipulating markets and history itself for their own gains.

● Politics and politicians are a Joke! I heartily agree with the tee shirt that says, " Politicians and Diapers need to be changed often... for the Same reason."

● And our neighbors? I cannot tell you how many people I run into that tell me about their neighborhoods growing up. They knew those people on their block, they would leave their doors unlocked, kids would be playing outside. If someone was in trouble, they would help. Now we have people standing around recording some crime on their cell phones while someone is being beaten or burning to death in a car!

What made that time different? What made the "greatest generation " great? They chose to live with common values. That does not mean they did everything right, but they took responsibility, they had integrity. They understood "community." There was what is known in Jewish tradition as "Yirat Shamayim", the fear of heaven. They knew that their choices would affect the rest of the community. Today there is only ME, the individual. There is no WE and without WE, there is no ME!

For many years, Jim Myers and I have been working together to find ways to change this situation. We found an important part of the solution in the Torah in Genesis 1 -- the TOV Standard. It is a values standard – a spiritual and NOT a "religious" tool. It is a yardstick of behavior and values for both the individual and the common good. I have become a "Communitarian." My actions are guided by the TOV Standard in the way I view myself and the rest of creation.

You will be hearing much more about the TOV Standard very soon -- and how it will help people repair and transform lives, communities -- and even our world.

It’s time to replace BS with VS

(BS = countless conflicting Belief Systems; VS = a shared Values Standard)

Rabbi Leynor