TOV Values in Business

There is a very interesting article in the Business section of the Dallas Morning News by Cheryl Hall, entitled, "CEO pushes priorities, and family is first."  The piece is written about Mark Layman the chief executive of Balfour Beatty Construction US, a Dallas based company known for projects like The Gaylord Texan Resort, Perot Museum and a host of other global ventures. Layman credits a loving single mom, "caring angels" from his church who helped pay bills to supplement his mother's income to cover the needs of four children and other father figures who "straightened him out" as a kid when he was headed for trouble. There were "dads" who stepped in to buy him a suit for a job interview and who directed him. One of them taught him a valuable lesson when he was on the track team and lost a race -- "What matters is how you respond to life and how people see you react. That's far more important than whether you won or lost this race." This is MENTORING! DO YOU DETECT TOV YET?

Layman often brings in his hardest-charging employees, hands them a copy of "Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?" -- and then tells them to spend more time at home. The premise of the 2003 book is that one or the other is going to get short shrift, and Layman has no doubt which one deserves top priority. He says, "I preach to our strongest, most valuable, but highly professionally, driven folks that you can't define success as succeeding professionally but costing personally."

He exemplifies the difference between being a "boss" and being a "leader." Layman sees his key management strength as being able to juice up the troops. He said, "Management by fear leads to obedience. People will follow but never give you anything special. If you want `followership’ rather than `obedience,’ and you want to turn the people loose to do special things, you've got to inspire them." I add, “you have to Value them!”

Mark Layman may not be aware of the word TOV, but everything he's doing as a father, husband and CEO, are all TOV. His actions represent the metaphor of the "Good Shepherd" of the prophet Ezekiel. He protects his flock, preserves them, helps them to function and increases the quality of their lives. He nurtures and nourishes them, leads them and brings back those who wander off back to the flock. These are TOV Values. They increase productivity, creativity, integrity and loyalty. This in turn creates a "TOV Community " -- all types of different people with a Common Set of Values and Common Goals, each contributing their uniqueness, Discovering people with a spark and Mentoring them for the Common Good.

Using the Wisdom of TOV Values from the past, and practicing those TOV Values in the present, will bring about a TOV future for all. I just wanted to share a great story about a man who is doing TOV in Big “D” today.

Do TOV. Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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Purim Teaches Lessons of TOV

Tonight is the beginning of Purim. There is the old joke about Jewish holidays, "They tried to kill us, they couldn't, let's eat!" Funny as this may sound, there is much truth. Purim has taught me some very important things. First, the central characters are both male and female. If you don't know the story, get a good translation of the Book of Esther and enjoy. The story has TOV and RAH, good against evil, palace intrigue, wonderful plot twists and turns and a surprise ending. The female lead Queen Esther, is beautiful, intelligent, creative and courageous. She has to hide her Jewish identity for her own safety. (Sound familiar?) Actually, there were many "Purims" in Jewish history. There were many Jewish communities that were in danger of annihilation, but somehow those who held some power in the greater community stepped forward and did what they had to do to save the Jewish community.

In the Purim story, which supposedly takes place in the ancient Persian Court, the enemy of the Jews is named Haman. In many ways, he is the model for Hitler and others whose intent was the destruction of the Jewish people. The male hero is named Mordecai. He is the uncle of Esther. He understands the workings of the court and involves himself in the government even foiling a plot to assassinate the Persian King. He also mentors and guides Esther. She was not his biological child, but was treated as a daughter and in return she brought him and everyone untold blessings. My oldest son is not a biological child, but is very much my son and brings me great blessing.

To me, the climax of the story comes when Esther is told by Mordecai that she must approach the King to cancel the decree, engineered by Haman, which stated that on such and such a day, all the Jews in the empire could be slain and their property confiscated. Esther is afraid. If the King doesn't accept her visit, she could be executed. She came to realize unless she came forward, she, along with her people would be killed. She not only rises to the occasion, but creates a plan to destroy Haman.

So what is TOV? At the risk of her own life, she confronted the powers that be and did what was TOV for her and the community. Her actions Protected Life, Preserved Life, Increased the Functionality of Life and Increased the Quality of Life for her people. The King made another decree that the Jews could defend themselves on the supposed day of their destruction and Haman was caught in a plot that destroyed his power and his family.

God is not mentioned in the story. It is the brave actions of those who have access to power, coming forward to save the community at the peril of their lives. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. It is no different today, and through human history. Those who stand up to RAH, evil, against the community are the real heroes. Because evil always has a plan, TOV must be ready to respond with actions which Create Light and Protect Life. As with many Jewish holidays, it is considered a mitzvah to extend kindness to the poor and send gifts of sweets to others. I wish you all a Happy Purim.

Do TOV. Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Do TOV and Let KARMA Take Its Course

Journalist, Kate Murphy, wrote an interesting article about Revenge. She said an Australian entrepreneur created a service that allows you to send your enemies an envelope full of glitter. When opened, bits of sparkly spite will fall out and stick -- as glitter and grudges do. A rush of customers crashed the company's website within 24 hours. The owner then made a tidy profit, selling the days old business for $85,000. Settling scores marks political, business and personal relationships. At it's most extreme, the desire for vengeance fuels murder and terrorism. 

I can't tell you how many times I've listened to people quote the Lex Talionis, Law of Retribution, "an eye for an eye", having no idea what it means. This law was meant to LIMIT VIOLENCE!  If someone knocked out your tooth or an eye, the worst you could do was to knock out theirs. That was the limit of response. This also was to avoid the "blood feud", which still occur in many parts of the world. Further, if you killed someone by accident or self-defense, 6 cities of refuge were set up where that person could go and live without fear of vengeance from a "blood avenger" (a relative of the victim). The Sages later ruled that instead of knocking out the other's eye, damages were to be paid. Researchers and psychology experts define "revenge" as “any act that harms someone that harmed you.” This act can be conscious or subconscious.

Murphy states that,"While everyone might have an innate urge to get even, there is a broad spectrum of vindictiveness. Personality traits that predict extreme vindictiveness include narcissism, low self-esteem, pessimism and callousness. The most vengeful responses tend to be provoked when honor or identity is threatened, such as being spurned by a lover or having one's family or religion maligned, and humiliation or violation of social or moral norms." Anything that shatters one's sense of reality and safety tends to produce a powerful reaction.

It appears that when people take it upon themselves to exact revenge, not only does it fail to prevent future harm but it also ultimately doesn't make the avenger feel any better. The author adds that, rather than inflicting suffering, it turns out that what victims really want is remorse from the person who wronged them, along with a heartfelt apology. Reconciliation is far less likely after a vengeful act. Vengeance escalates the conflict. The problem with revenge is, that the victim becomes the accuser, detective, judge, jury and executioner – and that can lead to injustice and unrighteousness.

Interestingly, people who are least likely to seek vengeance tend to believe those who wronged them will ultimately get their pay-back, in this life or the afterlife. They let some higher power be the final arbiter. It can be framed as forgiveness, letting it go or giving antagonists enough rope to hang themselves. This is something I've learned over the years -- the best revenge is our own success.

It is difficult to do, but practice makes it easier. I maintain that Karma has everyone's address and the most empowering response is to use the experience to grow as a person. There have been a number of times that those who went out of their way to hurt me in some way became the ones who needed me later when they faced a crisis. I chose to respond with understanding and kindness, but would never trust someone like that again. To me, this is the TOV response. I have no control over them or their lives. For me to carry around that anger and hurt is a waste of my energy and only hurts me. Also, choosing to respond to hurt with TOV says a lot about me, not them.

When people treat one another badly, eventually there will be negative consequences psychologically, emotionally and socially. One way or another, they will suffer. In my personal prayers, I always say:

“I'm doing what I can do –

the rest I leave to YOU.”

There was a wonderful post on FB recently which said, "the guy who pushed past me on the subway and then told me to go F--- myself just arrived for his interview . . . with me!” In Biblical literature, it says we reap what we sow, so, make an empowered response.

Do TOV and let Karma take its course.

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor