Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Becoming Grandma

This issue of Guideposts (May 2016) has a great article by 60 Minutes reporter Lesley Stahl. She has just published her new book, Becoming Grandma, the name of the article is too (pages 26-30). Enjoy!

We get to reboot with our grandkids, fix the mistakes or make amends for what we did as parents. Of course, our grandchildren force us to confront our age. . . During parenthood, we’re burdened with responsibility and fear (not to mention lack of sleep). Grandparents’ love is unfettered, pure. . . The balance shifts when our children become parents. We grands begin holding our tongues (we try, anyway). We live by their rules now. And rule number one is: “Do it their way. . . .”

This role of grandmother inspired me to write a book, Becoming Grandma, asking all sorts of experts about “the joys and science of the new grandparenting,” as the book’s subtitle puts it. Of all the interviews, one conversation stands out. It was with a psychiatrist named Nancy Davis, of Bradenton, Florida. There is one question she always asks her patients: “Who loved you?”

“If nobody loved you in your first five or six years, you’re in trouble,” she said. “It’s like you can’t know what love is unless somebody loved you during that time.”

“Is it enough if the answer is, ‘My grandmother loved me’?” I asked.

“It’s enough,” she said.

Steve Leber, the CEO of grandparents.com, told me, “God gave us grandchildren to make up for aging.”

Ain’t it the truth.

Being a grandparent gives us lots of opportunities to do TOV!

Shalom,
Jim Myers

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Living Without Leaven

This Friday is the first seder of Passover. I hear complaints from many people, myself included, about not only eating matzah for a week, but no leavened products at all! Matzah tends to be like cardboard, depends what you put on it, but the Infamous Passover desserts, OMG. Some, until recently, were used by three letter agencies instead of waterboarding to extract information! By the way, I do not hold with the thought that eating leaven during Passover will bring Divine Punishment – but I do take the lesson and the discipline of it seriously!

A few things about leaven. Nothing with leaven was ever offered on the sacrificial altar in the Temple. Only flatbread, flour and water rolled and baked quickly, before any fermentation began was offered. This would probably go with the idea that nothing spoiled, fermented or decomposing was put on an altar to God. Wine was not used in the sacrifice process either, only the blood of the animal.

What is "Leaven?" It comes from the Latin, levare, “to raise, a substance used to produce fermentation to lighten a batter or dough or liquid; usually yeast.” It also means “something that modifies, mingles, permeates and infuses.” There are a host of things which modify, infuse and permeate our lives on a regular basis, like False, Empty Values and Standards which literally SPEW FORTH from our technical devises, confirming our deepest insecurities, ultimately driving us to acquire some miracle product which will be the answer to all our wishes!

For me, Passover is another opportunity to “live outside the box." Like the Sabbath, Shabbat, we unplug from the mundane, from all the anxieties, tensions and stress of our everyday lives. Us unplugged.

At Succoth, Tabernacles, which occurs in the fall, we are supposed to eat in the Succah, a simple hut, open to the sky. Except for electricity for light, no devices! Why do this? Because it gives us perspective. It provides people the chance to talk, to laugh, to sing to linger over a meal. It removes what normally permeates our lives and allows a moment to breath, to reconsider, to review.

Maybe there is a small lesson not having leaven products for the week, in remembering that nothing with leaven was offered on the Temple altar, a Holy Place. Holy also means separate. This is a symbolic way to do a SPRING CLEANING FOR THE SOUL! We separate ourselves from what intrudes, infuses and permeates our thoughts and our actions.

Lastly, the Torah states that there should be no leaven in our dwellings during Passover. The Sages were very creative in their approach to leaven in a place. First after a thorough cleaning, the owner of the home can recite an Aramaic statement that basically says, “I did what was required for Passover, if there is any leaven somewhere not found, it is to be regarded as null.”

Also, the place where leaven is stored, the custom is to sell the leaven to a non-Jew for the week, so technically, it is not yours. Here is an opportunity to do some TOV. I go through all the nonperishables with leaven and give them to the local food pantry or my friend Pastor Roy's church. TOV made easy.

Can we live without "the Leaven" of the familiar? That is up to each of us.

Blessings in this time of Renewal

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor