Once
we are thrown out, or walk out of our “Egypt”, what is known, what is familiar,
what is habit -- is wiped away. We
wonder, where are we, where do we go, what will happen now? In the Biblical
context, we enter the Midbar, Wilderness in Hebrew. What’s interesting
is that in the Biblical context, when many important individuals and groups encounter
their Higher Power, a Deity, or their Highest Self – regardless of which -- everyone and everything is changed – everything is different. The trajectory
of life goes in another, unexpected direction.
My
observation is that we all go through this process in our own way – on our own journeys. It allows us the
freedom and courage to begin again, even in the middle of the Midbar!
Sometimes, we find ourselves in the middle of nowhere, and it’s right there in the middle of nowhere that we find
ourselves!
The
toughest and most painful thing I do is, work with people who’ve lost a child,
and worse, their only child. All the future dreams, hopes, wishes, expectations
and anticipations are smashed to pieces. Their role of "Mom and Dad” no
longer seems to apply. That is like being in the middle of nowhere!
In
my research and observations, I’m many times amazed by the choice of response
to these terrible traumas. Not only the courage to move forward, but the
creativity and dedication to telling their story and finding meaning and
purpose in life again -- by making a
difference in the lives of others. I want to share a story gleaned from one
of these recent books.
A man lost his twenty-two year old son
in an automobile accident. Over the course of his grieving, he wrote a
collection of poems about his journey through his loss. He published them in a
book called, “Life As a Novice.” When
asked about his choice of response, he said writing the book was the “best way
of keeping his son’s continued presence in his life.” For him, it was “In the
Middle of Nowhere” – “the Place Where He found Himself.”
In
Jewish tradition, our custom is to say, “May
Their Memory Be for a Blessing.” The best way of doing that is to let the
loss lead us through the Midbar -- to do
Life giving, Life changing, Life enhancing actions in the name of, or in memory
of the one we have lost. It motivates us to find a way to trust in life
again. Not everyone will choose these types of responses. Each person must
search and be open to whatever it is that tugs upon their heart and soul -- and be willing to follow it.
Though
we all struggle with the loss of our loved one in the physical world, we keep alive their continued presence in
our lives by doing some of those things they loved and thought were important.
It gives us a sense of purpose and keeps those who are no longer here closer to
us. So, the next time you find yourself “In
the Middle of Nowhere,” you just may “Find
Your Way and Yourself!”
Doing
TOV and Choosing Life!
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
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