Do TOV and Let KARMA Take Its Course

Journalist, Kate Murphy, wrote an interesting article about Revenge. She said an Australian entrepreneur created a service that allows you to send your enemies an envelope full of glitter. When opened, bits of sparkly spite will fall out and stick -- as glitter and grudges do. A rush of customers crashed the company's website within 24 hours. The owner then made a tidy profit, selling the days old business for $85,000. Settling scores marks political, business and personal relationships. At it's most extreme, the desire for vengeance fuels murder and terrorism. 

I can't tell you how many times I've listened to people quote the Lex Talionis, Law of Retribution, "an eye for an eye", having no idea what it means. This law was meant to LIMIT VIOLENCE!  If someone knocked out your tooth or an eye, the worst you could do was to knock out theirs. That was the limit of response. This also was to avoid the "blood feud", which still occur in many parts of the world. Further, if you killed someone by accident or self-defense, 6 cities of refuge were set up where that person could go and live without fear of vengeance from a "blood avenger" (a relative of the victim). The Sages later ruled that instead of knocking out the other's eye, damages were to be paid. Researchers and psychology experts define "revenge" as “any act that harms someone that harmed you.” This act can be conscious or subconscious.

Murphy states that,"While everyone might have an innate urge to get even, there is a broad spectrum of vindictiveness. Personality traits that predict extreme vindictiveness include narcissism, low self-esteem, pessimism and callousness. The most vengeful responses tend to be provoked when honor or identity is threatened, such as being spurned by a lover or having one's family or religion maligned, and humiliation or violation of social or moral norms." Anything that shatters one's sense of reality and safety tends to produce a powerful reaction.

It appears that when people take it upon themselves to exact revenge, not only does it fail to prevent future harm but it also ultimately doesn't make the avenger feel any better. The author adds that, rather than inflicting suffering, it turns out that what victims really want is remorse from the person who wronged them, along with a heartfelt apology. Reconciliation is far less likely after a vengeful act. Vengeance escalates the conflict. The problem with revenge is, that the victim becomes the accuser, detective, judge, jury and executioner – and that can lead to injustice and unrighteousness.

Interestingly, people who are least likely to seek vengeance tend to believe those who wronged them will ultimately get their pay-back, in this life or the afterlife. They let some higher power be the final arbiter. It can be framed as forgiveness, letting it go or giving antagonists enough rope to hang themselves. This is something I've learned over the years -- the best revenge is our own success.

It is difficult to do, but practice makes it easier. I maintain that Karma has everyone's address and the most empowering response is to use the experience to grow as a person. There have been a number of times that those who went out of their way to hurt me in some way became the ones who needed me later when they faced a crisis. I chose to respond with understanding and kindness, but would never trust someone like that again. To me, this is the TOV response. I have no control over them or their lives. For me to carry around that anger and hurt is a waste of my energy and only hurts me. Also, choosing to respond to hurt with TOV says a lot about me, not them.

When people treat one another badly, eventually there will be negative consequences psychologically, emotionally and socially. One way or another, they will suffer. In my personal prayers, I always say:

“I'm doing what I can do –

the rest I leave to YOU.”

There was a wonderful post on FB recently which said, "the guy who pushed past me on the subway and then told me to go F--- myself just arrived for his interview . . . with me!” In Biblical literature, it says we reap what we sow, so, make an empowered response.

Do TOV and let Karma take its course.

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor