A Bar\Bat Mitzvah is not a day, it’s a life!

One of the things I love to do is, offer an alternative Bar\Bat experience not only for children with special needs, but also for children (and their parents) who truly want to be part of a meaningful Rite of Passage. For so many children and their families, this has become a Riteless Passage and Passageless Rite exiting the Bar\Bat Mitzvah Mill. Large numbers of these post-Bar\Bat mitzvah vets will not set foot in a synagogue again until necessary.

My students love the one on one instruction and their parents enjoy and share in the learning as well. Sometimes we delve into deep issues, questions of life and death, about God, about the Bible and the stories being told. I was engaged in just such a discussion with a young lady, who decided to become Bat Mitzvah a few years older than the normal age. She was struggling with exactly what the notion of being a Bat Mitzvah is and its meaning. We came to an insight that I wanted to share. The best way to understand this rite is that it is not just the day -- it's all the choices and consequences which come after that day.

● A Bar\Bat Mitzvah is not a day -- it's a life.

● It is the obligation to take responsibility for the decisions that will be made, just like like a grown up adult.

● It is the taking on of the self-obligation to act for the good of the community as well as for your own.

In order for someone to make these very important choices and decisions there must be a Values Standard. She just happened to pick the Creation Narrative which contains the TOV STANDARD for her D'var Torah (her interpretation and teaching on the story). She echoed her teacher and said, "Must be a good reason they started the whole Bible with the TOV Standard." (It does a rabbi's heart good.)

She may not remember the Ten Commandments, or the words of the Prophets, but she now has a Standard of Values for making TOV decisions and choices. The Sages teach, that every person should repent (do Teshuvah, process of reconciliation and repair of relationships) the day before one's death! Since we don't know when that day is, the message is, that should be every day.

Becoming Bar\Bat Mitzvah may begin on a particular day, but the process and the journey continues throughout our lives. Every day, we stand before the Tree of Knowledge of TOV and RAH, Good and Evil, Life and Death -- Choose Life by Doing TOV Every Day!

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Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor