“My Higher Power”

I'm responding to a question on the TOV Center Blog about why I placed the term “Higher Power” in parenthesis in an earlier blog. I am a rabbi, counselor and police chaplain. I work with all kinds of people from many different backgrounds, cultures, religions with different beliefs about God, as well as some with no concept of any "Higher Power." During my years working in hospice as a bereavement counselor/chaplain, I came into contact with a number of people and families with different or no spiritual/religious beliefs. I needed to find a way of bringing them comfort, healing and peace as life was coming to an end. 

When I became a police chaplain, one of the helpful things they taught me is that when we respond to a call, we leave our BS (belief system and the other kind too) at the door! In my counselling with people in hospice, one of things I did was develop a Personal (and Spiritual) Empowerment Assessment Survey which asked questions that gave me a context and a way to meet them where they were, so that they would be able to achieve some comfort, relief from fear, reconciliation and peace. I'm a "communitarian". I live in a community with others and I never assume. I wait and listen and learn where those who need my help are.

If perception is reality, the terms I use to describe "My Higher Power" could be completely different from those others use to describe "Their Higher Power," walls could go up that would prevent me from being able to help them. If I have been sent to someone’s home in the middle of the night to inform them that their loved one has died, that is not the time to erect a theological wall.

Something I learned in my studies of the Hebrew text of my Bible is that the first creation account in Genesis begins with a mystery – the mystery of the ELOHIYM (the words translated “God” in most Bibles). If you want to get technical, ELOHIYM should be translated “god,” not “God.” The name of the being that created the Heavens and the Earth was not “God.” The ELOHIYM isn’t named! Nothing is revealed about that entity. Mystery is an essential part of the Hebrew Bible and life!

I believe “My Higher Power” cares about everyone, not just people who share my beliefs about “My Higher Power.” So, that’s why I choose to use this term. I know that If you sat 10 Christians in a room and asked them to define GOD or even what being a Christian is, their answers would not all be the same. And, if you sat 10 Jews in a room and asked them those same questions, there would probably be endless opinions and forget about agreement about anything!

Studying the Bible and discussing its ancient words, concepts and ideas is something I enjoy very much. But, holding the hand of a person that is about to take their last breath or that has just discovered they have lost someone they loved very much is something very different. Some people have been momentarily confused when they first hear that I am a rabbi, but it doesn't take them very long to know that I really care about them and want to help them face the uncertainty and confusion they are experiencing. So, that’s why I often use the phrase “Higher Power” or “My Higher Power.” But, if you come and study the biblical text with me – that’s another matter!

Choose Life, Do TOV & walk humbly with “Your Higher Power” (whatever that might or might not be!)

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor  

The Nazi Doctors and Nuremberg: Some Moral Lessons Revisited

Clearly, protection of the integrity of medical ethics is important for all of society. If medicine becomes, as Nazi medicine did, the handmaiden of economics, politics, or any force other than one that promotes the good of the patient, it loses its soul and becomes an instrument that justifies oppression and the violation of human rights. . . Hitler, like his counterparts in Stalinist Russia and Imperial Japan, recruited medicine at the very beginning of his regime. Physicians should have refused. Even Hitler would probably not have prevailed against a united profession exerting its collective moral power. But the caduceus joined the swastika in a lethal symbiosis that cost millions of lives and forever branded German medicine as a traitor to every tradition that ever made medicine a beneficent rather than a maleficent enterprise. Read the complete article at -- http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/nuremberg/NurembergNews8_15_97.html

Brittany Maynard -- My right to death with dignity at 29.

“I was 29 years old. I'd been married for just over a year. My husband and I were trying for a family. In April, I learned that not only had my tumor come back, but it was more aggressive. Doctors gave me a prognosis of six months to live. Because my tumor is so large, doctors prescribed full brain radiation. I read about the side effects: The hair on my scalp would have been singed off. My scalp would be left covered with first-degree burns. My quality of life, as I knew it, would be gone. After months of research, my family and I reached a heartbreaking conclusion: There is no treatment that would save my life, and the recommended treatments would have destroyed the time I had left.” Read article & watch video at -- http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/07/opinion/maynard-assisted-suicide-cancer-dignity/index.html

Whose God wants wives to submit to violent husbands?

I have been attending meetings of the planning committee for the Junior League of Collin County Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence for 2015. It is a pleasure getting to know and working with so many committed creative people.

One thing I am very interested in is to discover ways of addressing the perpetrators of violence against women and children. Why do they keep on hurting people? I believe one reason is that they are not confronted by communities and religious organizations that hold shared values against such predatory actions. If we asked leaders of our communities’ religious traditions about domestic violence they would all agree that their organizations are completely against it. This is a good place and common ground for us to interact together for the good of the whole community – not just members of our separate religious groups.

Think about how powerful it would be if a network of religious organizations emerged that confronted domestic violence not only in their individual churches, synagogues, etc., but as a united coalition that educated and responded together in the community as a whole. An important step is for clergy who serve congregations to be trained on how to deal with the perpetrators, as well as how to best help the victims -- especially linking them to resources already exists, like providing safe havens.

But, it has been my experience that sometimes the messages sent by religious organizations are mixed and may in fact hinder attempts to help victims and end domestic violence. This can be a problem for clergy as well as members. For example, one verse that has presented a problem for a number of women is -- “wives submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22). Some victims of domestic abuse have been told by their pastors that they are to submit to the person that is beating them because of this verse!

Let me teach you an important lesson about reading Scriptures – read at least five verses before and five verses after any verse that some quotes. In other words, view the words of the verse in their immediate context. Look at what we find when we do this here:

(1) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (5:21)

(2) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (5:22)

(3) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (5:25)

I have discovered that a lot of the mixed messages in the Christian Scriptures come from the writings of Paul, not the Jewish Jesus. But even Paul makes it clear in the above context that husbands are to submit to other members of the church “in the fear of God,” “husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church,” and that “husbands are to give themselves for their wives.” This does make it sound like Paul would put up with any man that committed violent acts against his wife.

Paul also provides an important clue about the Scripture he based the above teachings on in verse 31:

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,

and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

A very important fact that most readers of the New Testament fail to understand that the Scriptures of Jesus and Paul were the Jewish Scriptures – the New Testament did not exist during their lifetimes! The first New Testament that has the same list of books found in the modern New Testament was created in 367 CE by Athanasius, the bishop of Alexandria, Egypt – over three hundred years after Paul wrote Ephesians. The verse that Paul quoted is found in Genesis 2:24.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,

and shall cleave unto his woman; and they shall be one flesh.

I like to call this the “leave & cleave verse.” Notice that it is the man, not the woman, that is told to “leave” his parents. He is the one that is to “cleave unto his woman.” She wasn’t commanded to “cleave to her man.” That is important!

The Hebrew word translated “cleave” literally means “to be glued together.” The idea expressed here is that the man and woman are separate parts of one thing and to create it they must be glued together – and it is the man’s responsibility to “do the gluing!” It is also important to understand why this woman was created:

And the LORD God said, “It is not TOV that the man should be alone;

I will make him a helpmeet for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

She was created to be a “helpmeet.” What is a “helpmeet?” Many assume it is a “helper;” someone created to “serve” the man. But, the Hebrew words translated “helpmeet” mean something very different -- “one that corresponds to, is a counterpart of, equal to, and matching.” The woman is equal to and adequate for the man in every way.

The Dallas Morning News has been running a series called Deadly Affection. In a recent article, a woman, who was the member of a church, came to a service one Sunday black and blue from her husband's beatings. The pastor told her she needed to keep forgiving him, pray for him, just keep asking God to change him -- and ask God to help her be a better wife. This reminded me of something I saw on Facebook recently:

He didn't tell her to protect herself from that predator or offer to go see her husband and tell him that the church wasn't going to set back and ignore what he was doing to her. Look folks; God is not our cosmic bellboy/bellgirl and prayer isn't a drive-thru window that we use to place our orders.  It's not God's responsibility to change people or situations – it is the responsibility of people. At least that the message of the Jewish Scriptures -- and the message that the Jewish Jesus.

One last point about another mixed message I often hear is the pressure to remain married "til death do you part." The Creator’s highest value is Life. The TOV Standard that the Creator uses to measure His acts -- and ours -- begins with “protect and preserve life.” Living in a situation that threatens one’s life isn't what the Creator wants. It clearly fails to meet His standard. Sadly, some of those who remain in environments of domestic violence become victims of murder and suicide. Whose God would want that?

Shared core values are very important ways to bring people together and address many of the issues we face today in our homes, communities, and nation. They are the building blocks that create common ground for us to stand on. When we act together on shared core values, we become co-creators of safety, security and peace – and that makes our world a better place!

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur)

This Friday (sundown - October 3, 2014), as the sun goes down, the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) begins. As I have mentioned before, it is our responsibility to repair and reconcile relationships. The three most important relationships are the one we have with ourselves, the one we have with our "Higher Power" (whatever that might or might not be), and the ones we have with the rest of creation. All the work seems to be on us and rightfully so, because of all of creation, humans are the one creature that always needs improvement.

The word "atonement" breaks down into, “at-one-ment.” On Yom Kippur, we recognize and accept responsibility for actions on our part that destroyed relationships, broke a trust, ruined a reputation, cheating in business, greed over good, and on and on. These things separate us from our highest self; they separate us from the love of others. The process of Teshuvah (repentance), literally turning oneself around, helps bring about a change of heart, and a regenerated personality. It reminds us to view ourselves as a being created with the "spirit of Elohim", that our real selves reflect the divine image, and that our actions and choices should be guided by values which reflect those of the “spirit of Elohim” – Tov Values.

Tov Values are “Life 1^st Values.” When we adopt Tov Values as our highest values we choose to do acts that:

“protect life, preserve lives, makes lives more functional, increase the quality of lives – and that enhance, nourish and nurture lives.”

We create relationships with others who share Tov Values. Tov acts are good and pleasing to the eyes of Elohim and people too. Many times, the meaning in life is measured in the victory we achieve in disciplining our baser self and bending it to serve a higher purpose.

On Yom Kippur, we remove ourselves from every aspect of the mundane world. We fast, turn off our cell phones and other appliances. We open our ears, eyes, hearts, and souls to reconnect with ourselves and with others. We refrain from indulging our physical appetites for a limited period not to deny our physical appetites, but to subsume them to a higher set of values and the need of putting our desires in their proper place and context. 

The customary greeting for this Holy day is "G'Mar Chatimah Tova," – “may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a year of Tov, a year of health, a year of peace and a year of life.”

The prophet Isaiah (chapter 58), which is read on Yom Kippur states;

"Your fasting today is not such as to make your voice heard on high . . . No, this is the fast I desire: to unlock the fetters of wickedness, and untie the chords of the Yoke, to let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him . . . Then shall your light burst through like the dawn."

This year -- Do Tov, Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Power of Collective TOV Creativity -- Ubuntu

One of the most important concepts that Jim Myers and I teach through the Tov Center is about the importance of "Community." We live in a society of individuals. Everyone is a "ME." Individual rights, needs and wants take priority over those of community. Essentially, the "WE" is disappearing from America, the nation famously known as “WE the people!”

This creates a problem that most people do not seem to be aware of -- without a "WE" there is no "ME." Without a “WE” there is no righteousness; there is no kindness; there is no justice; there is no Tov; and, there is no community without others! And, very importantly, there is no shared Values Standard we can use to guide and measure human relationships. Every “ME” is running around with his or her own “self-created standard” measuring the world with it. Reminds me of that old Law of the Jungle thing, but this time the biggest “ME” prevails. The loss of a shared collective standard is the pressing problem of our generation. It is a problem that much of our work at the Tov Center will focus on.

I now use the term, "Communitarian" to describe myself. I live in a community of all kinds of people and I guide my actions by the Tov Standard. Tov means more than "good." Tov is an act that is pleasing to the eyes, makes life more functional, enhances the quality of life, protects life, nourishes and nurtures life. Life is the focus of the Tov Standard, which simply identifies and measures whose lives will be/have been affected by decisions and actions. 

The picture above came from a FaceBook posting called "Ubuntu." It emphasizes the importance of community and offers a different perspective on what "true love" is and the peace it brings. "Ubuntu" in the Xhosa culture means:

"I am because We are."

Now, don't run out and burn your Visa and MasterCard or join a 12 step program for consumer addiction. Like anything else, I try to find a balance between caring for my own needs and caring for the community. Sometimes the priority of one will outweigh the other; that is also part of life.

Many people are familiar with the tradition of breaking the glass at the end of a Jewish wedding ceremony. There are literally thousands of reasons given. My favorite is that even on one of the most joyous occasions in life, we can't be totally joyous because at that moment other people in the world are engaged in war, suffering from poverty, attacked by bigots, oppressed by inequality and being ignored by the justice systems. “WEs” are required to successfully repair certain levels of damage in our world. But the first steps of creating a “WE” are:

(1) the adoption of a shared values standard by two or more “MEs”

(2) creating shared values relationships

(3) communicating and acting together

David Muir, the new ABC World News anchor, recently said, "I think there's a hunger for a consensus in this country; there are so many polarizing voices." To those voices, I say “Ubuntu” – 

“I am because we are.”

It is our time to repair the world; just previous generations had their times.  I say we can do it the Tov way, the Communitarian way. Or as the very wise Jewish sage Hillel once said (Mishnah Avot 1:14):

"If I am not for myself, who is for me?

And if I am only for myself, what am I?

And if not now, when?"

Let's repair our world by doing Tov together!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!

Alright! I'm coming clean! I don't care for sports, (cause I suck at them), I don't have tattoos, I don't hunt nor do I like  camping and hiking the great outdoors,(though I am inspired by all the amazing places I've seen), I don't drink beer, I don't drive a pickup. OMG! Do you think I'll be drummed out of the ranks of " Malehood?"

It's interesting to see and hear so many perceptions of what being a "real man" means. Advertising and professional sports in particular bombard us with images of males with rippling muscles smashing and crashing into one another -- on a field, slab of ice, etc. Real men smash & crash into others! But, it is very disturbing to see so many reports of domestic violence committed by professional athletes.

Why has violence become the first response to adversity and disagreement in America? Is this what the perpetrators learned and modeled on? Is it the fame that makes them feel powerful? Has our culture become desensitized to the rich and powerful getting away with what the rest of us are forced to suffer? Does it have anything to do with the steady flow of violence the entertainment industry washes our minds with? Check out how women are treated in TV programs and movies these days.

This year I am on the planning committee of the Junior League of Collin County's Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence. When I went to the first general meeting, I listened to reports about many good programs being instituted. But, what I did not hear was anything about a program that confronts those who do the violence. That's a tough one, because the perpetrators do not usually come forward. There needs to be a venue for confronting those who commit domestic violence. I've even entertained the thought of a reality show and intervention.

Those who commit violence are often victims of violence or were raised in homes where there was violence. Violence has a lot to do with control and a deep sense of insecurity. People learn to make violence their first response. I believe an important part of changing their behavior is to teach them that there are better options for responding to adversity and disagreements – and them training them on how to use those options. This can begin with the realization that real men do not commit violence against women or children – or other men either.

I remember teaching my daughter two important things about men:

(1) Find someone who is comfortable with their malehood, comfortable enough to share power and be a true partner with a woman.

(2) Watch how he treats those who serve him or work for him.

This will tell you volumes about his character! He must also be a person of values. Today, I would put it this way – He is a person who does Tov -- one who's actions are good, that make life more functional, acts that protect, enhance and nourish life in all it's dimensions. A person that practices Hesed (loving-kindness).

Those who are gifted and achieve wealth and fame have an obligation and responsibility to be Tov models for others. They must understand that they are models because the media makes them famous – so, shouldn’t they use their lives to make the lives of those who make them famous better?

A new message is being blasted from the media as a result of the video of the athlete knocking the woman out in the elevator -- Those who abuse women will eventually lose access to the markets that made them rich & famous! I can assure you that every professional athlete in America is aware that there is a new game in town.

As Mayor Mike Rawlings said, "You can call a guy who abuses women (and children) a lot of things -- but you can't call him a real man. A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!"

I teach about domestic violence and related workplace violence, as well as hold seminars. Give me a call if you need someone to teach your professional sports team how to be real men.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor