Who or What Determines Your Worth?

One of the fun things I do is work with couples in planning their weddings. Like many things, I use this as an opportunity to teach, observe, listen and learn about relationships. We are social creatures which means, we need others for our very survival, technology aside. Almost all of our needs -- physical, emotional, psychological -- are met through interaction with others. In Genesis, the first thing identified as not being TOV (Good) is for a human to be alone.

I tell each couple that, though marriages may be made in Heaven, the Maintenance needs to be done here on earth! Relationships must be maintained -- especially the one we have with ourselves. There was a recent post on FB with the following quote of Lucille Ball -- "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line." Being that this is an issue I've struggled with myself, I understand it's easier said than done.

When I use the term, "Love", I'm not referring to an emotion or a feeling. I'm speaking about "acceptance." Accepting of oneself requires a basic understanding that we, as human beings, have worth. Again, Genesis 1 tells us we are a reflection of the Creator. In truth, we are a bag of mud, mixed with some chemicals and minerals, but it's the "spirit reflection" that makes us unique and binds us all together.

Self-Love means we do concrete acts that are required to show that we care about ourselves -- not to the exclusion of others nor striving to improve and grow -- but that we accept ourselves as we are at the present time with all our flaws, warts and mistakes. It is only then that we will truly be able to "love our neighbors as ourselves."

We are constantly bombarded with messages that maintain one underlying theme -- self-worthlessness. These messages are the product of professional propaganda creators, aka "spin doctors", who work in the advertising industry. Central to their addictive persuasive message is a subtle appeal: We (reader, hearer or viewer) are seriously inadequate. We drive the wrong car, use the wrong deodorant, wear the wrong clothes, have less than perfect skin, drink the wrong beer and so on. We are bordering on worthless, but this can be cured by buying the "right" products. This is our "unnatural" reality. 

Let us stop for a moment and look at our yardstick of self-worth. My Standard of Self -Worth comes from inside me. It is the time-tested values I learned from my parents and from my Jewish tradition – it is the TOV Standard. Whatever I do is matched to thoughts, words and actions which Protect Life, Preserve Life, Make Life More Functional and Improve the Quality of Life. I do not drive the right car, wear the right clothes, have the perfect body, or perfect skin. I absolutely refuse to let someone else determine my worth by their standard.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is this -- my self-worth comes from my understanding of the "Spirit Reflection" I was given and how many lives I touch for TOV, for Good, for Life and for Peace. What are you Worth?

Choosing Life By Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor