New Year Actions Instead of Resolutions

Around this time of year, many people make "resolutions." Most of the time, however, they never carry through on those resolutions. What does the word "resolution" mean? Webster's defines resolution as -- "the act or process of reducing to simpler form, the act of analyzing, the act of answering: solving, the act of determining, to find an answer."

The first thing we learn about "resolution" is that it involves some type of action. But, the way we use the word "resolution," it is more like a promise instead of an action. Obviously, passive promises, are more times than not, are easily broken. Resolutions, therefore, for most people are things we they are “promising themselves to do” -- eating better, exercising, being more grateful, being more patient, better controlling their anger, etc.

But according to the above definition, a resolution is an act, a process, something we are already doing. Maybe people would be a lot better off if they followed the wisdom of the old Nike ad -- "Just Do It!"

When I work with clients I use Resolution/Solution Oriented Therapy, which is brief and tackles a current problem with some type of change in action or process. I don’t ask them to make resolutions. I help them take actions that will change things. But, I make it clear that real change does not happen overnight. It is a long process of reframing, retraining, and understanding that our missteps and mistakes are our best teachers.

During the past year, I've started to not over punish myself for my mistakes, but to learn and grow from them. You probably already know this, but it seems to me that worthwhile lessons often come with some type of pain. Maybe that's the way we'll remember them. 

A tool that I have found very useful is The TOV Standard; it is a universal guide that measures thing by how they affect life.

For something to be TOV it must protect life, preserve life, make life more functional and increase the quality of life – all lives, not just mine.

We do not live in a vacuum – our thoughts, words and actions affect other lives. The Creator described in the opening creation account of the Torah places life as His highest value and top priority. His goal for humans is Shalom – completeness, totality and wholeness. When we do acts of TOV, we make our lives, as well as those affected by our thoughts, words and actions more Shalom.

A recent FB post by Hamas said, "The Jews prize Life, and we prize Death." Obviously, they use a different standard than my Creator.

I don't make New Year Resolutions because I am already actively involved in creating the changes I'd like to see. The result of doing TOV motivates and uplifts me. It opens me up to all the amazing opportunities to create TOV for myself and others as well.

This year will be happier, healthier and more grateful for those who choose Life by creating TOV!

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Puberty Is Beginning Earlier in Girls, So What Can Parents Do?

A few decades ago, doctors were taught that less than 5% of girls should be showing such signs of puberty before age 8 - now studies show 25% of African American girls, 15% Hispanic girls and 10% of Caucasian girls show signs by age 7. Early puberty carries risks for girls' psychological and physical health, sometimes long after they have grown into adult women. It's associated with a higher risk for depression, anxiety, body image issues, eating disorders, the early onset of sexual activity, and substance use (especially alcohol). There are also links to metabolic disorders, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, higher risk later in life for breast cancer and cardiovascular problems. What can parents do? It appears that a really strong, safe family context seems to mitigate all or most of early puberty's short-term risks for adolescents. That's of immense importance for girls who are in early development. Read the complete article at -- http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/puberty-beginning-earlier-girls-so-what-can-parents-do-180953738/

The Top 0.1% and the Disappearing Middle-Class

“The ongoing explosion of the incomes of the richest households and the erosion of middle-class employment opportunities for most of the rest have become integrally related in the now-normal operation of the U.S. economy. Since the beginning of the 1980s, employment relations in U.S. industrial corporations have undergone three major structural changes – summarized as “rationalization,” “marketization,” and “globalization” – that have permanently eliminated middle-class jobs in the United States. . . .

“The fundamental problem is the obsessive focus of U.S. corporations on their stock prices. While the old structures of stable and remunerative employment were being undermined by rationalization, marketization, and globalization, U.S. business corporations became afflicted with a socioeconomic disease known as “financialization.” The prime manifestations of financialization have been, and remain, the distribution of corporate cash to shareholders through stock repurchases, often in addition to generous cash dividends, and, incentivizing these distributions, the stock-based explosion of the remuneration of top corporate executives. . . .

“The exploding incomes of the top 0.1% and the erosion of the American middle class are integrally related. The attainment of stable and equitable growth in the U.S. economy in the twenty-first century will require an organizational revolution far more profound than the managerial revolution that occurred in the opening decades of the twentieth century. And it is the employees at the top of the major corporations, the legatees of that managerial revolution, who now must be brought under control. If not, inequity and instability in the U.S. economy will only get worse.”

Read the complete paper at -- http://www.theairnet.org/v3/backbone/uploads/2014/09/Lazonick_LaborInTheTwenty-FirstCentury_AIR-WP14.0801.pdf

I humbly ask for your support.

Recently, I posted a quote from, oddly enough, Angela Davis. It was both profound and illuminating for me at this point in my life. She said, "I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change; I'm changing the things I cannot accept."

The world we live in is filled with violence, intolerance and inequality. Everyone is a "ME", there is no "WE" – there is no sense of "community." The "Values," that guided past generations to do what is right, have been replaced with "Value," doing what makes or saves the most money – regardless of how many lives are adversely affected. Instead of life being the highest value, it has become the norm to look at people and their lives as simply assets or liabilities.

More and more members of our society are becoming lonely, isolated, enraged people who feel worthless, hopeless and helpless. They are being bombarded with continuous messages through the media that tell them they don't measure up to the propaganda models created by companies whose are trying to sell something to them or politicians telling them what’s wrong with members of the other party. The Supreme Court has changed America by ruling that corporations are people too with the same rights – except for corporations how they use their money is called “freedom of speech.” Who are the corporations “speaking" to these days? They are using their money to persuade our elected representatives to do what is most profitable for them, instead of doing what is good for the rest of us. Inequality has become “the” word that a growing number of people use to describe the nation that was created on the principle that “all men are created equal.”

I could list many problems that we are facing today, but the one thing that most of the share is that they are “values problems.” In order for a bunch of “MEs” to become the “WE” again, something is needed that has the power to link us together. We believe the thing that is missing is today are shared core values. The evidence makes it clear that even though people may have hundreds or even thousands of friends on social media like Facebook, many have no confidants they can trust or rely on. Many are lonely and living as isolated individuals. The numbers of Americans, including our children, are committing suicide. The common response of choice when faced with conflict and disagreement is becoming “violence.” The news of “mass murders in public places” has become so common; the stories only stay in the headlines for a day or two. These are some of things I can no longer accept and I am committed to changing!

Many of you have known me for a long time through my work as a rabbi, counselor and chaplain -- you know how passionate I am about sharing my expertise and experience to help others. For over 25 years, I have known and studied with Jim Myers, a friend who is also committed to helping people. For the past few years we have been searching for ways and discussing what we could do to resolve problems like those above. We found what we believe is the one thing that all of those problems share – they are values problems.  

In our studies of the ancient Hebrew text of Genesis we discovered what we believe are values and a standard that have the power to bring people together and solve many of the problems we face as individuals, families, communities, and citizens.  The Hebrew word “TOV” is traditionally translated as “good,” but in the context of the first creation account of Genesis, in which it appears seven times, TOV has the following contextual definition:

TOV is an act that preserves life, protects life, makes life more functional, and/or increases the quality of life.

We founded the TOV Center, a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt nonprofit corporation, to make people aware of the importance of shared core values and the benefits of including TOV Values and the TOV Standard in their core values. We envision the TOV Center as an organization in which people of diverse religious and nonreligious backgrounds interact through shared core values. The TOV Center is not a religious institution. It is an organization that helps people incorporate life as their highest value and top priority into their lives.

One thing we know for certain is that Americans must find a way to become “WE” again – or the future of many Americans will only become worse than it is now. I believe the TOV Center can play an important role in changing that outcome. Jim and I are finishing a book that will explain the TOV Values and Standard in much more detail.

I also envision the TOV Center as a place that provides education and training concerning Suicide Awareness and Prevention, Grief, Loss and Renewal, PTSD debriefing for those who have been through trauma, Life Coaching and Pastoral, Spiritual Counseling, and dealing with all areas of Domestic Violence.

As president of the TOV Center, and someone many of you know personally, I am humbly asking for your financial support by making a generous end of the year donation. We need the seed funds to fund our work in 2015.

For the link to make an Online Donation or our mailing address -- CLICK HERE.

I know we can empower people by making them aware of the core values and standard recorded in the ancient wisdom text that has been passed down from one generation to the next for the past 2,500 years. I also know that helping people who hold life as the highest value and top priority network together are major steps towards changing the things we cannot accept.

Thank you for taking time to read this request for assistance and for your careful consideration.

Choose Life By Doing TOV! 

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The single most common finding about happiness.

People with strong social connections generally have a much better time. We enjoy better physical and mental health, recover faster from sickness or injury, and are less likely to suffer eating or sleeping disorders. We report being happier and rank our quality of life higher – and do so even when the community that we’re connected to isn't particularly well off or educated. 

Indeed, social connectedness is actually more important than affluence: regular social activities such as volunteering, church attendance, entertaining friends, or joining a club provide us with the same boost to happiness as does a doubling of personal income. 

As Harvard’s Robert Putnam notes, “The single most common finding from a half century’s research on the correlates of life satisfaction, not only in the United States but around the world, is that happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one’s social connections.”  (The Impulse Society: America in the Age of Instant Gratification by Paul Roberts © 2014, Bloomsbury, New York, NY; pp. 131-132)

Today is “Giving Tuesday”

Today is “Giving Tuesday,” a new tradition in the holiday season after Black Friday and Cyber Monday. It is a day of giving to support your favorite nonprofit organizations. We hope you'll keep the TOV Center in mind as you give today. Please remember that you might be able to double your gift if your company matches charitable donations. Also, PayPal will add 1% to all donations made today until December 31 by our online PayPal link. To donate click on -- http://tovcenter.org/donate/default.html

Thank you!

Is a healthcare system with “no pay upfront – no surgery” in our future?

What kind of values do you want the people who control our healthcare system to have? Which would you prefer that they value the most – human life or money?  

The article “Health plans lead to more hospital pre-pays” in USA Today makes it clear that a major shift of values is taking place in America today. As you read the article, consider the answers to the following questions:

● Who would want to control the prices?

● Who would want to have limited times for people to enroll and then make it impossible to get insurance during the rest of the year?

● Who would want to make the IRS responsible for collecting premiums?

● Who would want massive amounts of new debt created – and why? More defaults on debts, higher credit scores – higher credit scores higher prices on everything else – more derivatives to add to the more than one quadrillion dollars’ worth that already exist .

● Who do you think would create law that create things like these?

I know certain groups have spent millions to get people to blame the president, but he isn’t the primary beneficiary of the system. If we follow the money, do you think it might possibly lead us to big insurance companies and big banks?

Call a few of your friends and see if that is how they would design our healthcare system? I bet their answers will be “No!” Why? I believe our friends have very different values from the folks who created the mess that exists now.

Have you noticed that all of the focus is on finding ways to pay insurance companies and healthcare providers, who claim their costs are skyrocketing? Don’t you find it interesting that the folks who are supposed to be representing us aren’t focusing on why those costs are sky rocketing? It hasn’t been that many years ago we were being told that our energy costs were skyrocketing because the companies that supplied our local companies kept raising prices. Of course, no one pointed out that the same corporation owned those companies.

Anyway, read the USA Today article and consider the implications of values and their effects on human life -- http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/11/16/hospitals-doctors-toughen-collection-of-bills/19144677/