Friday, May 15, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
In Living and Dying -- TOV Matters!
As
many of you know, my work revolves around people who've suffered Traumatic Loss
and Grief -- the type of things that
usually sends people running for cover, something feared and never to be
addressed. As with many "forbidden" topics, it is always better to
discuss these things, rather than avoid them. How else do we learn from them?
Obviously, it takes a grown up adult person to confront these fears and
anxieties, but the result is being able to make empowered decisions about both
"living” and “dying." This ability contributes to our personal,
emotional and spiritual growth; an undeniable part of our human journey, which
helps remove part of the fear of the "Great
Unknown" -- Death.
There
was a recent article about a guide, created largely by young people that help
teens handle and navigate "End of Life" challenges. The guide helps
critically ill young patients express their preferences for their final days: Do
they want to be at home for their passing? Who should inherit their things? Who
would take care of their fur baby, life support, funeral details? Some providers
approach young people directly, but this practice has met some resistance from
a number of doctors. They believe that adolescents do not understand the
implications of end-of-life -planning and they might be harmed psychologically
by such talk.
This
reminds me of what Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross said -- she never spoke with a dying person who didn't know they were dying!
My contention is -- and my experience
has shown -- doctors are the worst at dealing with dying and death. They
only concentrate on living and keeping someone" alive". They know Yin but ignore Yang. With humans, you can't have one without the other.
Death makes us what we are, Human, and Death puts
Life in perspective.
Research
shows that avoiding these topics, and discussions, exacerbates the teenage
patient's fears and sense of isolation. Those surveyed reported that NOT being
able to discuss their end-of-life preferences was a fate worse than death!
The
guide, called, Voicing My Choices,
was intended to create a way for them to make choices about what NURTURES, PROTECTS AND AFFIRMS THEIR
REMAINING LIFE & HOW THEY WISH TO BE REMEMBERED. The TOV Standard is used as a Guide for Living and Dying. It centers on
the idea of “Increasing the Functionality
& Improving the Quality of Life –
regardless of how much time is left for living
it.
Devastating
disease can leave anyone feeling powerless. Practicing TOV and Choosing Life,
especially in the face of dying, is a means to assert some control and that
is therapeutic. For adolescents, as for all of us who are exploring and
defining our identities, this is a way
to express who we are, what we are and what we care about. Unfortunately, as
I have often witnessed -- Life’s greatest
lessons come out of sorrow, not joy. See them as opportunities not to be
wasted – opportunities to Do TOV and Choose
Life – when it may matter the most.
Your
TOV Guide,
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
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Friday, May 1, 2015
Why the TOV Center & Why Now?
When
my oldest son created a FB account for me, I didn't realize how much I would
enjoy re-connecting with people, some of whom I haven't been in touch with for
40 years. Just this week, I had a great time having lunch with some of my
friends from my former congregation here in Texas. Invariably, the majority of
conversation revolves around "catching up", and then everyone wants
to know, "So, what are you doing these days?" I tell them, (and
everyone else I meet) about the TOV Center.
For
twenty-five years, Jim Myers and I have studied, investigated, written and
taught together, working for a better world, with more knowledge, understanding
and TOV actions. We developed the TOV
Standard from the Ancient Wisdom of
Shared Values in order to enable people to Form and Maintain Values-Based Relationships for the Common Good,
and for the Good of ourselves as individuals as well.
Human
collectives are some of the most powerful forces on the face of the earth. The
glue that creates and holds them together is the relationships of the
individuals within them and their ability to maintain them. The breaking down
of existing relationships within a collective and/or the ability to persuade
others to form new relationships are symptoms that the life of the collective
is in danger of ending.
For
the past few decades, a collective that many of us know very well, has been
showing the symptoms of breaking down. The name of that collective is the United States of America. America,
unlike other nations, is a collective that formed on ideas and core values. It
has no common tribal origin. Instead of relationships between people based on
their shared ancestral blood, the American collective is based on relationships
between people with those common ideas and shared values in minds. The origin
of the nation is reflected in the opening phrase of the Declaration of Independence --" WE the People..." The basic principle being, that the new
nation will be governed by a government OF
the people, BY the people and FOR the people. The OF, BY and FOR require human
relationships.
The bottom line
is, the future of America is directly linked to the ability of its citizens to
form and maintain relationships with one another. Central to
making the decision to form and continue a relationship is our perception of
the answer to one question -- Can I trust
you? Unlike many other puzzles we confront, questions of trust all share
the characteristic of RISK.
Trust
implies a seeming unknowable, a delicate problem centered on the balance
between two dynamic and often opposing desires -- a desire for someone else to meet your needs and their desire to meet
their own needs. Trust isn't just about facts. It's also about trying to predict what someone will do based on
competing interest and capabilities. A key factor in predicting what people
will do is the values they hold. Relationships built upon shared values have
higher levels of trust than those that aren't.
We
are now very aware of how toxic the mixture of self-rejection, loneliness and
personal isolation can be. Lonely isolated individuals become increasingly
susceptible to Authoritarian Appeals (cults). They also disengage themselves
from the democratic process. It is no
surprise then, that growing numbers of Americans are being drawn to extremist
groups and turning away from their options to act as citizen and bring about
change.
This
is why the TOV Center exists and why it is needed now. As the number of
values-based relationships increase, and those with shared values interact -- families will become stronger, the number of
friends and confidants will increase, neighbors will connect and make their
neighborhoods safer, values will be incorporated into finding solutions to
specific problems that will benefit the entire community and help make America
a better, more dynamic , purposeful and inclusive place to make a life and live
a life.
Everything
begins with individuals consciously choosing their core values and learning how
to create values-based relationships. The TOV Center's mission is to assist
people and help them succeed in this process. This is not a "program"
it is a life-long transformative journey. Come join us in this important and
very timely work.
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
President
of TOV Center, Inc.
PS Contact me if you would like for me to speak
to your organization, congregation or group about the TOV Center.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Seeking Eternal Life -- Modern Biomedicine vs. Ancient Wisdom
An
ancient Jewish wisdom principle teaches how to live to 120 -- first, get to 119, then be very, very, very
careful!
Actually,
Jewish tradition has a very balanced view of both Life and Death. In
Genesis, the emphasis in the Adam and Eve story is not on eating from the Tree of Life, which would grant
immortality, but eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge (of Good and Evil-Tov and Rah). Part of the
"Punishment" for disobeying, was that they will Die. (Don't forget, Yahweh
does not curse them, He punishes them. He curses the Ground and the Serpent. It
was St. Augustine that created his "ORIGINAL SIN" concept from this
story, wrongly claiming God cursed Adam and Eve, a concept that Jesus did not
believe or accept!)
In
so many of the ancient myths, legends and stories, the prize that many people searched
for was an object that would allow them to become immortal -- to live forever – by discovering the Fountain of Youth or a Plant of Life. But, the Ancients were
not "Bumpkins" -- they
understood, that if no one ever died, no one else could live! There is
another wisdom lesson embedded in these stories:
Death is not our enemy. Death makes us what we are -- "HUMAN!"
Well,
here we are! Last Sunday's Dallas Morning
News had an article entitled; "Have
cash, will seek longer lives." It talked about a gathering of Tech
Titans who are pumping hundreds of millions of dollars into Biomedical
Research. They're doing absolutely amazing things. These Entrepreneurs are
driven by a certitude that rebuilding, regenerating and reprogramming patient's
organs, limbs, cells and DNA will enable people to live longer and better.
However, there is Danger here.
Oracle
founder Larry Ellison has proclaimed his wish to live forever and donated $430
million to anti-aging research -- "Death
has never made any sense to me. How can a person be there and then just vanish,
just not be there?"
But
there is a flip-side we might want to consider. Their work to slow or stop
aging, if successful, is also likely to lead to broader societal upheaval,
increasing pressure on natural resources and on the economy. Life extension
would radically change the most important building block of society -- the family. No one can predict what life
might be like when half a dozen or more generations are alive simultaneously.
America
remains deeply ambivalent about using new medical treatments to live radically
longer lives.
● According to Pew Research Center -- two-thirds
said they worry that radical life extension would strain natural resources and
that only wealthy people would get access to new treatments.
● Political theorist Francis Fukuyama, a
senior fellow at Stanford argues that a large increase in human life spans
would take away people's motivation for the adaptation necessary for survival.
In that kind of world, social change
comes to a standstill, aging dictators could stay in power for centuries."
For evolutionary reasons, there is a good reason why we die when we do."
Think
about Rejuvenated Blood, Spray-on Skin, Custom-Built Bones, Bio-Printed
Replacement Organs -- marvelous works of Science -- but longer lives have very little to do with "Eternal Life."
But, Acts of Loving-kindness, taking care of our world and all the
creatures in it, creating societies of Tzeddek (Justice and Righteousness), creating
a world where all have opportunities to make a LIFE -- not necessarily a Long Long
Life -- but a Good Life, a Purposeful Life, a Life Connected to Others – this is
what ancient wisdom teaches that will give "Eternal Life." Acts of Love
and Kindness never die, they keep giving long after our earthly sojourn is
done.
These
ideas are taught in the Moral and Ethical instructions of the Torah and
re-iterated by the teachings of Yeshua (the Jewish Jesus). These acts are
called Acts of TOV – acts that Protect Life, Preserve Life, Increase the Function
of Life and Improve the Quality of Life provide us a practical way of being
immortal.
Even
though our society worships victories, always keep in mind that "victories"
rarely cause us to change. Most often, change happens as a result of our
defeats, failures and losses. One thing that I have witnessed many times as a
rabbi is that Death always teaches
life. Even as people come together to mourn the loss of someone, their
thoughts also turn their own mortality. The
Fact that We will Die should have a very big impact on The Way We Choose to Live.
Death
is a motivation and a major part of what we are. If that is removed, we would lose
our Humanness and the greatest learning experience humans possess. Do you want
to live forever? Then DO TOV!
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
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Thursday, April 16, 2015
The Curse of Blessings
In
Jewish tradition, these are the days of counting. Those of us in the
"Diaspora" who live outside the land of Israel usually have two
seders for Passover. During the seder on the second night, we begin counting
"The Omer", the days between Passover and the second of the Three
Biblical Festivals called Shavuot, which means "Weeks" The word
"Shavua" in Hebrew means “week.” Seven days times seven weeks totals
49 days. The 50th day is recognized as the day the Israelites, and all those
with them, stood at Mount Sinai and "Received" The Torah. For
me, Torah means Instruction and Teaching. I know from my studies, that
"all" festivals were probably originally agricultural in nature. At
that time, most people were intimately tied to the land.
The
Jewish Sages created Biblical connections to ancient Israelite traditions.
Passover and Shavuot may have marked the Barley and Wheat Harvests. Sukkot (Tabernacles
or booths), the third Pilgrimage Festival, happened in the fall when fruits and
vegetables were harvested. It was connected
to the Israelite's time in the Midbar (Wilderness). They dwelled in a
"Sukkah" a booth made of some wood and covered in branches. Today, we
eat in “booths” as part of the ritual that recalls Israel's sojourn and
eventual preparation to enter the Promised Land.
The
Days of Counting unfortunately are virtually unknown to many Jews. Passover and
Sukkot are each 8 days long. Shavuot is celebrated for two days outside the
Land of Israel. The counting is known to Christians as the Pentecost. Over
the years, the idea of "Counting" has grown with me spiritually. We
count days all the time. Counting towards a graduation, a birth, something good
and also to things that we fear, or are not so good. I've seen a number of
challenges on Social Media to do something, or try something for a week, for a
month or maybe even longer.
There
is a wonderful book by Mitchell Chefitz called "The Curse of Blessings." There are ten tales told, each
teaching a unique wisdom. My favorite is The
Curse of Blessings. In the title story, an arrogant, uniformed officer of
the law encounters a wise man in rags who puts a most unusual curse on him: to find something new to bless each day-or
die at sundown. He finds something new to bless every day and eventually
his life becomes a blessing to himself and to others. Others are drawn to him
and the recognition of blessings changed his attitude and his actions. I try
and incorporate this idea into my own life. It really has made a difference,
enabled me to be happier and recharges my energy.
Every
day, I count my blessings and recognize new ones I never noticed before. As the
Psalmist wrote: "Teach us to number
our days and help us achieve a heart of Wisdom." As you count your
days, count the blessings, because eventually we will all stand at Sinai and
commit to values and actions to create a better world.
Count
your blessings every day!
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
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Monday, April 13, 2015
Where Are We Now?
Humans
experience the world like many other living creatures with senses that make
them aware of the things around them. We're aware of whether those things are
moving or stationary, their size and speed at which they move and whether they
are moving towards or away from us. We process much of this sensory input
subconsciously and often react instinctively like the other creatures. In
another way though, we are very different from all other creatures. We do not
only observe things around us and react -- we
change those things and the environments in which they exist. This is
"human creativity." Other
creatures do not flatten mountains, build lakes, manufacture vehicles to
transport themselves, or create weapons of mass destruction.
We're
able to do the things we do because we were endowed with brains that think and we
have a special ability – we think and communicate
in symbols. It is through those symbols, that we possess the ability to
create images in our minds, communicate them to others and then join together
in collectives to turn those mental images into physical realities. Human
collectives are important foundational blocks of society. But, over the past few
decades, many of the foundational collectives in our society (as well as in
many others) have been breaking down. The glue that has held collectives
together has been stable long-term relationships between people. Technology has
now intruded on past stable relationships and that has changed the very fabric
of society, not in a good way!
In
the past, relationships were created by face-to-face interactions between
people in the places they lived. People interacted at home, work, stores,
religious institutions, schools, post offices, markets, libraries, etc. Today
many individuals spend their majority of time in cyberspace. Just look around
and you will lots of people who are in the same physical space and not
interacting with each other -- they're
disconnected from those people – but they are connected to their phones,
tablets & laptops.
Opportunities
for face-to-face interactions with others have declined sharply. Instead of
going to stores, they shop online. Instead of going to bookstores and libraries,
people are finding information online. Instead of writing letters -- a lost art – they text, message, email,
etc. Instead of going to college classrooms and interacting with professors and
fellow students – they take courses online. Instead of going to the office, more
and more people work from home. Instead of visiting face-to-face with others --
they communicate through social media.
Nearly
60% of Americans now have a Facebook account -- that's over 192,000,000 people. The expansion of social media is
driven by one thing, -- the desire to increase
profits. Let's get something straight!
People are the "Products" that social
media corporations sell.
Today,
powerful algorithms (bots) track everything we do when we are online -- down to every move of the cursor. They
are constantly feeding the information they are collecting about us and creating
and updating our individual profiles. They let us provide the information they sell
to advertisers or anyone else that wants to buy it. It is absolutely essential
to understand that all of those games and apps being offered are not for your
enjoyment -- they are the bait the
corporations use to catch the "fish"! The moment you use them,
they begin to track you -- even more is
that this predatory tactic is tracking our children too and that’s very scary.
Who is protecting us? No One is Regulating Them!
This
technology has produced billions in profits for the corporations, but its
unintended consequences are destroying the RELATIONSHIPS-BASED FOUNDATION of our
nation!
● In 1985, Americans had an average of three
confidants. Today, 25% of Americans -- 80,000,000 people -- say they have no
best friend to confide in.
● Between 12%and 23% -- 38,000,000 to
73,000,000 say they have no one to talk to.
● Middle aged Americans are the
"loneliest" group of all in the United States.
● Middle aged males have the highest number of
suicides.
● More Americans are experiencing
"loneliness".
Talking
to fewer people and loneliness are not the same thing. Loneliness is the feeling of being bereft, deprived of intimacy, of
hungering for companionship, as opposed to just being alone.
So,
where do we go from here? Stay tuned and find out!
Be Blessed &
Empowered by doing TOV.
Rabbi
Jeffrey Leynor
PS
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