Puberty Is Beginning Earlier in Girls, So What Can Parents Do?

A few decades ago, doctors were taught that less than 5% of girls should be showing such signs of puberty before age 8 - now studies show 25% of African American girls, 15% Hispanic girls and 10% of Caucasian girls show signs by age 7. Early puberty carries risks for girls' psychological and physical health, sometimes long after they have grown into adult women. It's associated with a higher risk for depression, anxiety, body image issues, eating disorders, the early onset of sexual activity, and substance use (especially alcohol). There are also links to metabolic disorders, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, higher risk later in life for breast cancer and cardiovascular problems. What can parents do? It appears that a really strong, safe family context seems to mitigate all or most of early puberty's short-term risks for adolescents. That's of immense importance for girls who are in early development. Read the complete article at -- http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/puberty-beginning-earlier-girls-so-what-can-parents-do-180953738/

The Top 0.1% and the Disappearing Middle-Class

“The ongoing explosion of the incomes of the richest households and the erosion of middle-class employment opportunities for most of the rest have become integrally related in the now-normal operation of the U.S. economy. Since the beginning of the 1980s, employment relations in U.S. industrial corporations have undergone three major structural changes – summarized as “rationalization,” “marketization,” and “globalization” – that have permanently eliminated middle-class jobs in the United States. . . .

“The fundamental problem is the obsessive focus of U.S. corporations on their stock prices. While the old structures of stable and remunerative employment were being undermined by rationalization, marketization, and globalization, U.S. business corporations became afflicted with a socioeconomic disease known as “financialization.” The prime manifestations of financialization have been, and remain, the distribution of corporate cash to shareholders through stock repurchases, often in addition to generous cash dividends, and, incentivizing these distributions, the stock-based explosion of the remuneration of top corporate executives. . . .

“The exploding incomes of the top 0.1% and the erosion of the American middle class are integrally related. The attainment of stable and equitable growth in the U.S. economy in the twenty-first century will require an organizational revolution far more profound than the managerial revolution that occurred in the opening decades of the twentieth century. And it is the employees at the top of the major corporations, the legatees of that managerial revolution, who now must be brought under control. If not, inequity and instability in the U.S. economy will only get worse.”

Read the complete paper at -- http://www.theairnet.org/v3/backbone/uploads/2014/09/Lazonick_LaborInTheTwenty-FirstCentury_AIR-WP14.0801.pdf

I humbly ask for your support.

Recently, I posted a quote from, oddly enough, Angela Davis. It was both profound and illuminating for me at this point in my life. She said, "I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change; I'm changing the things I cannot accept."

The world we live in is filled with violence, intolerance and inequality. Everyone is a "ME", there is no "WE" – there is no sense of "community." The "Values," that guided past generations to do what is right, have been replaced with "Value," doing what makes or saves the most money – regardless of how many lives are adversely affected. Instead of life being the highest value, it has become the norm to look at people and their lives as simply assets or liabilities.

More and more members of our society are becoming lonely, isolated, enraged people who feel worthless, hopeless and helpless. They are being bombarded with continuous messages through the media that tell them they don't measure up to the propaganda models created by companies whose are trying to sell something to them or politicians telling them what’s wrong with members of the other party. The Supreme Court has changed America by ruling that corporations are people too with the same rights – except for corporations how they use their money is called “freedom of speech.” Who are the corporations “speaking" to these days? They are using their money to persuade our elected representatives to do what is most profitable for them, instead of doing what is good for the rest of us. Inequality has become “the” word that a growing number of people use to describe the nation that was created on the principle that “all men are created equal.”

I could list many problems that we are facing today, but the one thing that most of the share is that they are “values problems.” In order for a bunch of “MEs” to become the “WE” again, something is needed that has the power to link us together. We believe the thing that is missing is today are shared core values. The evidence makes it clear that even though people may have hundreds or even thousands of friends on social media like Facebook, many have no confidants they can trust or rely on. Many are lonely and living as isolated individuals. The numbers of Americans, including our children, are committing suicide. The common response of choice when faced with conflict and disagreement is becoming “violence.” The news of “mass murders in public places” has become so common; the stories only stay in the headlines for a day or two. These are some of things I can no longer accept and I am committed to changing!

Many of you have known me for a long time through my work as a rabbi, counselor and chaplain -- you know how passionate I am about sharing my expertise and experience to help others. For over 25 years, I have known and studied with Jim Myers, a friend who is also committed to helping people. For the past few years we have been searching for ways and discussing what we could do to resolve problems like those above. We found what we believe is the one thing that all of those problems share – they are values problems.  

In our studies of the ancient Hebrew text of Genesis we discovered what we believe are values and a standard that have the power to bring people together and solve many of the problems we face as individuals, families, communities, and citizens.  The Hebrew word “TOV” is traditionally translated as “good,” but in the context of the first creation account of Genesis, in which it appears seven times, TOV has the following contextual definition:

TOV is an act that preserves life, protects life, makes life more functional, and/or increases the quality of life.

We founded the TOV Center, a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt nonprofit corporation, to make people aware of the importance of shared core values and the benefits of including TOV Values and the TOV Standard in their core values. We envision the TOV Center as an organization in which people of diverse religious and nonreligious backgrounds interact through shared core values. The TOV Center is not a religious institution. It is an organization that helps people incorporate life as their highest value and top priority into their lives.

One thing we know for certain is that Americans must find a way to become “WE” again – or the future of many Americans will only become worse than it is now. I believe the TOV Center can play an important role in changing that outcome. Jim and I are finishing a book that will explain the TOV Values and Standard in much more detail.

I also envision the TOV Center as a place that provides education and training concerning Suicide Awareness and Prevention, Grief, Loss and Renewal, PTSD debriefing for those who have been through trauma, Life Coaching and Pastoral, Spiritual Counseling, and dealing with all areas of Domestic Violence.

As president of the TOV Center, and someone many of you know personally, I am humbly asking for your financial support by making a generous end of the year donation. We need the seed funds to fund our work in 2015.

For the link to make an Online Donation or our mailing address -- CLICK HERE.

I know we can empower people by making them aware of the core values and standard recorded in the ancient wisdom text that has been passed down from one generation to the next for the past 2,500 years. I also know that helping people who hold life as the highest value and top priority network together are major steps towards changing the things we cannot accept.

Thank you for taking time to read this request for assistance and for your careful consideration.

Choose Life By Doing TOV! 

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The single most common finding about happiness.

People with strong social connections generally have a much better time. We enjoy better physical and mental health, recover faster from sickness or injury, and are less likely to suffer eating or sleeping disorders. We report being happier and rank our quality of life higher – and do so even when the community that we’re connected to isn't particularly well off or educated. 

Indeed, social connectedness is actually more important than affluence: regular social activities such as volunteering, church attendance, entertaining friends, or joining a club provide us with the same boost to happiness as does a doubling of personal income. 

As Harvard’s Robert Putnam notes, “The single most common finding from a half century’s research on the correlates of life satisfaction, not only in the United States but around the world, is that happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one’s social connections.”  (The Impulse Society: America in the Age of Instant Gratification by Paul Roberts © 2014, Bloomsbury, New York, NY; pp. 131-132)

Today is “Giving Tuesday”

Today is “Giving Tuesday,” a new tradition in the holiday season after Black Friday and Cyber Monday. It is a day of giving to support your favorite nonprofit organizations. We hope you'll keep the TOV Center in mind as you give today. Please remember that you might be able to double your gift if your company matches charitable donations. Also, PayPal will add 1% to all donations made today until December 31 by our online PayPal link. To donate click on -- http://tovcenter.org/donate/default.html

Thank you!

Is a healthcare system with “no pay upfront – no surgery” in our future?

What kind of values do you want the people who control our healthcare system to have? Which would you prefer that they value the most – human life or money?  

The article “Health plans lead to more hospital pre-pays” in USA Today makes it clear that a major shift of values is taking place in America today. As you read the article, consider the answers to the following questions:

● Who would want to control the prices?

● Who would want to have limited times for people to enroll and then make it impossible to get insurance during the rest of the year?

● Who would want to make the IRS responsible for collecting premiums?

● Who would want massive amounts of new debt created – and why? More defaults on debts, higher credit scores – higher credit scores higher prices on everything else – more derivatives to add to the more than one quadrillion dollars’ worth that already exist .

● Who do you think would create law that create things like these?

I know certain groups have spent millions to get people to blame the president, but he isn’t the primary beneficiary of the system. If we follow the money, do you think it might possibly lead us to big insurance companies and big banks?

Call a few of your friends and see if that is how they would design our healthcare system? I bet their answers will be “No!” Why? I believe our friends have very different values from the folks who created the mess that exists now.

Have you noticed that all of the focus is on finding ways to pay insurance companies and healthcare providers, who claim their costs are skyrocketing? Don’t you find it interesting that the folks who are supposed to be representing us aren’t focusing on why those costs are sky rocketing? It hasn’t been that many years ago we were being told that our energy costs were skyrocketing because the companies that supplied our local companies kept raising prices. Of course, no one pointed out that the same corporation owned those companies.

Anyway, read the USA Today article and consider the implications of values and their effects on human life -- http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/11/16/hospitals-doctors-toughen-collection-of-bills/19144677/

Violence, Values & Trust

I recently had a marvelous experience. I was making copies at Office Max for a class I'm teaching. As I was waiting to pay, I noticed large pictures of a WWII torpedo bomber floating in the water near an aircraft carrier on the counter. A very elderly man was standing there with a ball cap that said "28th Torpedo Bomber Squadron." I asked, "Is that you?" He answered "Yep, about 70 years ago. We just came back from a torpedo run against the Japanese fleet. I ran out of fuel and had to ditch my bird." I said," WOW!" I thanked him for his service and told him how much what he and so many others did is appreciated. His big smile was his thanks. He said, "Back then, we had a job to do, and we did it. It's not like now and all this terrible violence."  I responded, "Amen!"

I remember when I was growing up and eating dinners as a family. The TV would be on and the news would list the daily body counts during the Vietnam War. They were just numbers, the dead, the wounded the missing. After a while, they were just numbers, not people to many of those watching the news. Of course, it was a very different situation to those involved and their families. But, all of this violence took place in a war where violence was the only option for the soldiers.

Doing the work that I do -- dealing with homicide, suicide, domestic violence and PTSD -- violence is “the chosen response.” More and more American civilians are “choosing” to respond to adversity and disagreements with acts of violence. What is the problem? We could go back and forth about whether violent video games and movies have numbed the senses. No one has to deal with a problem -- just blow everyone away! I do not and never have played video games. I usually have too much to do. But really, the best “game” I ever play is the one in my mind, which we used to call "imagination." I can go anywhere, be anything and do anything at any time. And it's all on the screen in my mind. My game allows me to consider the outcomes of different choices I am considering. I wonder if video games offer different options – without violence – as possible responses to problems. Nah, that probably would never fly!

Violence is everywhere today.

● I just finished reading about "mobs" of Buddhists in Myanmar. They are attacking the small Muslim minority people called Rohingya who endured killings, extortion and beatings and expulsion from the country.

● Locally, a16 year old boy murdered a 16 year old girl who was a “close friend.”

● Another person was stabbed to death because she wanted her "boyfriend" to move out due to domestic violence.

Maybe this violence is the new normal reaction to not having individual needs gratified immediately. Maybe it is because the perpetrators of violence were never taught about how to act as a mature moral adult who understands that much of this life does not give us what we want and how to cope with disappointment.

When I was in the Seminary, one of my professors said a most profound thing. He said, "There is no freedom, without the discipline of Torah!" We read the Torah every week in synagogues together. We learn how those in the Torah responded to different situations and see them in light of the instructions given in the Torah. We also acquire shared values that we can build community relationships on. Without shared core values, everyone acts as “an individual” and does whatever they want (or have learned to act by watching others) – there is no common ground. First you have chaos in individual lives and then it spreads throughout communities.

The Hebrew word “Torah” means, “instruction and teaching.” The teaching establishes the core shared values. In the Torah, the first values and standard revealed are those the Creator uses to judge His own actions – we call them TOV Values & the TOV Standard. This allows us to measure our actions, as well as the actions of others, by a common standard that holds the protection and preservation of human life as its highest value.

Chances increase tremendously among those who hold core TOV Values that their response to adversity and disagreement will not be violence. You see, there is something that happens when individuals who hold TOV Values get to know each other – they learn to trust. Something that is being left out of the discussions on violence is the massive loss of trust in our world. The Torah teaches that it is our individual and collective responsibility to “repair our world.” It requires trust – we must learn to trust ourselves and each other. This leads to SHALOM – peace, totality, and wholeness in our world.

Tomorrow is Veteran’s Day and it is important to remember the men and women who have served in the military. Many experienced the violence of war. We want to thank them for their service and commitment.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

“My Higher Power”

I'm responding to a question on the TOV Center Blog about why I placed the term “Higher Power” in parenthesis in an earlier blog. I am a rabbi, counselor and police chaplain. I work with all kinds of people from many different backgrounds, cultures, religions with different beliefs about God, as well as some with no concept of any "Higher Power." During my years working in hospice as a bereavement counselor/chaplain, I came into contact with a number of people and families with different or no spiritual/religious beliefs. I needed to find a way of bringing them comfort, healing and peace as life was coming to an end. 

When I became a police chaplain, one of the helpful things they taught me is that when we respond to a call, we leave our BS (belief system and the other kind too) at the door! In my counselling with people in hospice, one of things I did was develop a Personal (and Spiritual) Empowerment Assessment Survey which asked questions that gave me a context and a way to meet them where they were, so that they would be able to achieve some comfort, relief from fear, reconciliation and peace. I'm a "communitarian". I live in a community with others and I never assume. I wait and listen and learn where those who need my help are.

If perception is reality, the terms I use to describe "My Higher Power" could be completely different from those others use to describe "Their Higher Power," walls could go up that would prevent me from being able to help them. If I have been sent to someone’s home in the middle of the night to inform them that their loved one has died, that is not the time to erect a theological wall.

Something I learned in my studies of the Hebrew text of my Bible is that the first creation account in Genesis begins with a mystery – the mystery of the ELOHIYM (the words translated “God” in most Bibles). If you want to get technical, ELOHIYM should be translated “god,” not “God.” The name of the being that created the Heavens and the Earth was not “God.” The ELOHIYM isn’t named! Nothing is revealed about that entity. Mystery is an essential part of the Hebrew Bible and life!

I believe “My Higher Power” cares about everyone, not just people who share my beliefs about “My Higher Power.” So, that’s why I choose to use this term. I know that If you sat 10 Christians in a room and asked them to define GOD or even what being a Christian is, their answers would not all be the same. And, if you sat 10 Jews in a room and asked them those same questions, there would probably be endless opinions and forget about agreement about anything!

Studying the Bible and discussing its ancient words, concepts and ideas is something I enjoy very much. But, holding the hand of a person that is about to take their last breath or that has just discovered they have lost someone they loved very much is something very different. Some people have been momentarily confused when they first hear that I am a rabbi, but it doesn't take them very long to know that I really care about them and want to help them face the uncertainty and confusion they are experiencing. So, that’s why I often use the phrase “Higher Power” or “My Higher Power.” But, if you come and study the biblical text with me – that’s another matter!

Choose Life, Do TOV & walk humbly with “Your Higher Power” (whatever that might or might not be!)

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor  

The Nazi Doctors and Nuremberg: Some Moral Lessons Revisited

Clearly, protection of the integrity of medical ethics is important for all of society. If medicine becomes, as Nazi medicine did, the handmaiden of economics, politics, or any force other than one that promotes the good of the patient, it loses its soul and becomes an instrument that justifies oppression and the violation of human rights. . . Hitler, like his counterparts in Stalinist Russia and Imperial Japan, recruited medicine at the very beginning of his regime. Physicians should have refused. Even Hitler would probably not have prevailed against a united profession exerting its collective moral power. But the caduceus joined the swastika in a lethal symbiosis that cost millions of lives and forever branded German medicine as a traitor to every tradition that ever made medicine a beneficent rather than a maleficent enterprise. Read the complete article at -- http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/nuremberg/NurembergNews8_15_97.html

Brittany Maynard -- My right to death with dignity at 29.

“I was 29 years old. I'd been married for just over a year. My husband and I were trying for a family. In April, I learned that not only had my tumor come back, but it was more aggressive. Doctors gave me a prognosis of six months to live. Because my tumor is so large, doctors prescribed full brain radiation. I read about the side effects: The hair on my scalp would have been singed off. My scalp would be left covered with first-degree burns. My quality of life, as I knew it, would be gone. After months of research, my family and I reached a heartbreaking conclusion: There is no treatment that would save my life, and the recommended treatments would have destroyed the time I had left.” Read article & watch video at -- http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/07/opinion/maynard-assisted-suicide-cancer-dignity/index.html

Whose God wants wives to submit to violent husbands?

I have been attending meetings of the planning committee for the Junior League of Collin County Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence for 2015. It is a pleasure getting to know and working with so many committed creative people.

One thing I am very interested in is to discover ways of addressing the perpetrators of violence against women and children. Why do they keep on hurting people? I believe one reason is that they are not confronted by communities and religious organizations that hold shared values against such predatory actions. If we asked leaders of our communities’ religious traditions about domestic violence they would all agree that their organizations are completely against it. This is a good place and common ground for us to interact together for the good of the whole community – not just members of our separate religious groups.

Think about how powerful it would be if a network of religious organizations emerged that confronted domestic violence not only in their individual churches, synagogues, etc., but as a united coalition that educated and responded together in the community as a whole. An important step is for clergy who serve congregations to be trained on how to deal with the perpetrators, as well as how to best help the victims -- especially linking them to resources already exists, like providing safe havens.

But, it has been my experience that sometimes the messages sent by religious organizations are mixed and may in fact hinder attempts to help victims and end domestic violence. This can be a problem for clergy as well as members. For example, one verse that has presented a problem for a number of women is -- “wives submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22). Some victims of domestic abuse have been told by their pastors that they are to submit to the person that is beating them because of this verse!

Let me teach you an important lesson about reading Scriptures – read at least five verses before and five verses after any verse that some quotes. In other words, view the words of the verse in their immediate context. Look at what we find when we do this here:

(1) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (5:21)

(2) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (5:22)

(3) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (5:25)

I have discovered that a lot of the mixed messages in the Christian Scriptures come from the writings of Paul, not the Jewish Jesus. But even Paul makes it clear in the above context that husbands are to submit to other members of the church “in the fear of God,” “husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church,” and that “husbands are to give themselves for their wives.” This does make it sound like Paul would put up with any man that committed violent acts against his wife.

Paul also provides an important clue about the Scripture he based the above teachings on in verse 31:

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,

and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

A very important fact that most readers of the New Testament fail to understand that the Scriptures of Jesus and Paul were the Jewish Scriptures – the New Testament did not exist during their lifetimes! The first New Testament that has the same list of books found in the modern New Testament was created in 367 CE by Athanasius, the bishop of Alexandria, Egypt – over three hundred years after Paul wrote Ephesians. The verse that Paul quoted is found in Genesis 2:24.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,

and shall cleave unto his woman; and they shall be one flesh.

I like to call this the “leave & cleave verse.” Notice that it is the man, not the woman, that is told to “leave” his parents. He is the one that is to “cleave unto his woman.” She wasn’t commanded to “cleave to her man.” That is important!

The Hebrew word translated “cleave” literally means “to be glued together.” The idea expressed here is that the man and woman are separate parts of one thing and to create it they must be glued together – and it is the man’s responsibility to “do the gluing!” It is also important to understand why this woman was created:

And the LORD God said, “It is not TOV that the man should be alone;

I will make him a helpmeet for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

She was created to be a “helpmeet.” What is a “helpmeet?” Many assume it is a “helper;” someone created to “serve” the man. But, the Hebrew words translated “helpmeet” mean something very different -- “one that corresponds to, is a counterpart of, equal to, and matching.” The woman is equal to and adequate for the man in every way.

The Dallas Morning News has been running a series called Deadly Affection. In a recent article, a woman, who was the member of a church, came to a service one Sunday black and blue from her husband's beatings. The pastor told her she needed to keep forgiving him, pray for him, just keep asking God to change him -- and ask God to help her be a better wife. This reminded me of something I saw on Facebook recently:

He didn't tell her to protect herself from that predator or offer to go see her husband and tell him that the church wasn't going to set back and ignore what he was doing to her. Look folks; God is not our cosmic bellboy/bellgirl and prayer isn't a drive-thru window that we use to place our orders.  It's not God's responsibility to change people or situations – it is the responsibility of people. At least that the message of the Jewish Scriptures -- and the message that the Jewish Jesus.

One last point about another mixed message I often hear is the pressure to remain married "til death do you part." The Creator’s highest value is Life. The TOV Standard that the Creator uses to measure His acts -- and ours -- begins with “protect and preserve life.” Living in a situation that threatens one’s life isn't what the Creator wants. It clearly fails to meet His standard. Sadly, some of those who remain in environments of domestic violence become victims of murder and suicide. Whose God would want that?

Shared core values are very important ways to bring people together and address many of the issues we face today in our homes, communities, and nation. They are the building blocks that create common ground for us to stand on. When we act together on shared core values, we become co-creators of safety, security and peace – and that makes our world a better place!

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur)

This Friday (sundown - October 3, 2014), as the sun goes down, the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) begins. As I have mentioned before, it is our responsibility to repair and reconcile relationships. The three most important relationships are the one we have with ourselves, the one we have with our "Higher Power" (whatever that might or might not be), and the ones we have with the rest of creation. All the work seems to be on us and rightfully so, because of all of creation, humans are the one creature that always needs improvement.

The word "atonement" breaks down into, “at-one-ment.” On Yom Kippur, we recognize and accept responsibility for actions on our part that destroyed relationships, broke a trust, ruined a reputation, cheating in business, greed over good, and on and on. These things separate us from our highest self; they separate us from the love of others. The process of Teshuvah (repentance), literally turning oneself around, helps bring about a change of heart, and a regenerated personality. It reminds us to view ourselves as a being created with the "spirit of Elohim", that our real selves reflect the divine image, and that our actions and choices should be guided by values which reflect those of the “spirit of Elohim” – Tov Values.

Tov Values are “Life 1^st Values.” When we adopt Tov Values as our highest values we choose to do acts that:

“protect life, preserve lives, makes lives more functional, increase the quality of lives – and that enhance, nourish and nurture lives.”

We create relationships with others who share Tov Values. Tov acts are good and pleasing to the eyes of Elohim and people too. Many times, the meaning in life is measured in the victory we achieve in disciplining our baser self and bending it to serve a higher purpose.

On Yom Kippur, we remove ourselves from every aspect of the mundane world. We fast, turn off our cell phones and other appliances. We open our ears, eyes, hearts, and souls to reconnect with ourselves and with others. We refrain from indulging our physical appetites for a limited period not to deny our physical appetites, but to subsume them to a higher set of values and the need of putting our desires in their proper place and context. 

The customary greeting for this Holy day is "G'Mar Chatimah Tova," – “may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a year of Tov, a year of health, a year of peace and a year of life.”

The prophet Isaiah (chapter 58), which is read on Yom Kippur states;

"Your fasting today is not such as to make your voice heard on high . . . No, this is the fast I desire: to unlock the fetters of wickedness, and untie the chords of the Yoke, to let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him . . . Then shall your light burst through like the dawn."

This year -- Do Tov, Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Power of Collective TOV Creativity -- Ubuntu

One of the most important concepts that Jim Myers and I teach through the Tov Center is about the importance of "Community." We live in a society of individuals. Everyone is a "ME." Individual rights, needs and wants take priority over those of community. Essentially, the "WE" is disappearing from America, the nation famously known as “WE the people!”

This creates a problem that most people do not seem to be aware of -- without a "WE" there is no "ME." Without a “WE” there is no righteousness; there is no kindness; there is no justice; there is no Tov; and, there is no community without others! And, very importantly, there is no shared Values Standard we can use to guide and measure human relationships. Every “ME” is running around with his or her own “self-created standard” measuring the world with it. Reminds me of that old Law of the Jungle thing, but this time the biggest “ME” prevails. The loss of a shared collective standard is the pressing problem of our generation. It is a problem that much of our work at the Tov Center will focus on.

I now use the term, "Communitarian" to describe myself. I live in a community of all kinds of people and I guide my actions by the Tov Standard. Tov means more than "good." Tov is an act that is pleasing to the eyes, makes life more functional, enhances the quality of life, protects life, nourishes and nurtures life. Life is the focus of the Tov Standard, which simply identifies and measures whose lives will be/have been affected by decisions and actions. 

The picture above came from a FaceBook posting called "Ubuntu." It emphasizes the importance of community and offers a different perspective on what "true love" is and the peace it brings. "Ubuntu" in the Xhosa culture means:

"I am because We are."

Now, don't run out and burn your Visa and MasterCard or join a 12 step program for consumer addiction. Like anything else, I try to find a balance between caring for my own needs and caring for the community. Sometimes the priority of one will outweigh the other; that is also part of life.

Many people are familiar with the tradition of breaking the glass at the end of a Jewish wedding ceremony. There are literally thousands of reasons given. My favorite is that even on one of the most joyous occasions in life, we can't be totally joyous because at that moment other people in the world are engaged in war, suffering from poverty, attacked by bigots, oppressed by inequality and being ignored by the justice systems. “WEs” are required to successfully repair certain levels of damage in our world. But the first steps of creating a “WE” are:

(1) the adoption of a shared values standard by two or more “MEs”

(2) creating shared values relationships

(3) communicating and acting together

David Muir, the new ABC World News anchor, recently said, "I think there's a hunger for a consensus in this country; there are so many polarizing voices." To those voices, I say “Ubuntu” – 

“I am because we are.”

It is our time to repair the world; just previous generations had their times.  I say we can do it the Tov way, the Communitarian way. Or as the very wise Jewish sage Hillel once said (Mishnah Avot 1:14):

"If I am not for myself, who is for me?

And if I am only for myself, what am I?

And if not now, when?"

Let's repair our world by doing Tov together!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!

Alright! I'm coming clean! I don't care for sports, (cause I suck at them), I don't have tattoos, I don't hunt nor do I like  camping and hiking the great outdoors,(though I am inspired by all the amazing places I've seen), I don't drink beer, I don't drive a pickup. OMG! Do you think I'll be drummed out of the ranks of " Malehood?"

It's interesting to see and hear so many perceptions of what being a "real man" means. Advertising and professional sports in particular bombard us with images of males with rippling muscles smashing and crashing into one another -- on a field, slab of ice, etc. Real men smash & crash into others! But, it is very disturbing to see so many reports of domestic violence committed by professional athletes.

Why has violence become the first response to adversity and disagreement in America? Is this what the perpetrators learned and modeled on? Is it the fame that makes them feel powerful? Has our culture become desensitized to the rich and powerful getting away with what the rest of us are forced to suffer? Does it have anything to do with the steady flow of violence the entertainment industry washes our minds with? Check out how women are treated in TV programs and movies these days.

This year I am on the planning committee of the Junior League of Collin County's Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence. When I went to the first general meeting, I listened to reports about many good programs being instituted. But, what I did not hear was anything about a program that confronts those who do the violence. That's a tough one, because the perpetrators do not usually come forward. There needs to be a venue for confronting those who commit domestic violence. I've even entertained the thought of a reality show and intervention.

Those who commit violence are often victims of violence or were raised in homes where there was violence. Violence has a lot to do with control and a deep sense of insecurity. People learn to make violence their first response. I believe an important part of changing their behavior is to teach them that there are better options for responding to adversity and disagreements – and them training them on how to use those options. This can begin with the realization that real men do not commit violence against women or children – or other men either.

I remember teaching my daughter two important things about men:

(1) Find someone who is comfortable with their malehood, comfortable enough to share power and be a true partner with a woman.

(2) Watch how he treats those who serve him or work for him.

This will tell you volumes about his character! He must also be a person of values. Today, I would put it this way – He is a person who does Tov -- one who's actions are good, that make life more functional, acts that protect, enhance and nourish life in all it's dimensions. A person that practices Hesed (loving-kindness).

Those who are gifted and achieve wealth and fame have an obligation and responsibility to be Tov models for others. They must understand that they are models because the media makes them famous – so, shouldn’t they use their lives to make the lives of those who make them famous better?

A new message is being blasted from the media as a result of the video of the athlete knocking the woman out in the elevator -- Those who abuse women will eventually lose access to the markets that made them rich & famous! I can assure you that every professional athlete in America is aware that there is a new game in town.

As Mayor Mike Rawlings said, "You can call a guy who abuses women (and children) a lot of things -- but you can't call him a real man. A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!"

I teach about domestic violence and related workplace violence, as well as hold seminars. Give me a call if you need someone to teach your professional sports team how to be real men.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Today is US Constitution & Citizenship Day.

On September 17, 1787, the delegates to the Constitutional Convention met for the last time to sign the document they had created. Take a moment to celebrate this very important day by listening to this amazing song by a group of children – “We the People.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIf7uFAKkJc

Remember, Repair and Re-Create!

The Hebrew month of Elul, which comes before the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is known as “the days of transformation.”  We are supposed to review our acts and actions in the past year. What have our actions and choices created? This can be a painful time for thinking people. We are to remember during this season.

YAH remembers us, we remember our higher power, we remember the hurts others have caused us -- and we must remember the pain we have caused others. This is called Heshbone HaNefesh, literally, an accounting of the soul. 

It is difficult to forget the hurt caused to us; we carry the anger, the pain, the desire to get even. The rabbis talk about forgiveness, but don't explain that forgiveness is for us, not the one who caused the hurt. Forgiveness is NOT condoning!!! Forgiveness is so we do not carry around the toxic effects of our anger. Festering anger damages us, not the object of our anger.

And what about those people whom we have hurt? That is much more difficult to face. When we encounter someone who has been negatively affected by our actions and choices, we want to run and hide. It's not comfortable to face up to our negative actions, but that is what “the days of transformation” are about.

Unlike some religious traditions, that allow someone to be forgiven by God without addressing the victim, Judaism requires that the victim and the pain we caused to be faced. It is not your higher power's responsibility to repair those relationships, we are responsible for reconciling relationships, however painful that may be. (By the way, that is what the Jewish Jesus taught too!) These are the responses of a mature adult.

The process we use to accomplish this is called Teshuvah, usually translated as "repentance," which for modern people is a hollow term. But, Teshuvah is a process of reconciliation, literally "turning oneself around." One has to admit to the error, ask for forgiveness, make reconciliation, or recompense where possible, and vow not to repeat that action again.

Easier said than done, but that is why Jim Myers and I are teaching people about the TOV Standard. TOV means more than "good", it means doing actions which put life first. It is a yardstick for measuring our choices and behavior. These actions should protect life, enhance the functioning of life, nurture and nourish life and encourage a positive effect on our communities and ourselves.

Doing TOV helps repair our world and re-create a society of Justice, Righteousness and Shalom. Rosh Hashanah begins next Wednesday, September 24^th at sundown. Use the next seven days to remember, repair and re-create. May the coming year bring you Health, Success and Joy.

Do Tov! Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

America is Good for Religion

There are a number of people who are very involved in trying to make sure that their "religious" views should be everyone's religious views. They feel that "Religion is good for America.” But this is open to debate because in my opinion -- “it is America that is good for religion.”

Did you know that there are estimated 40,000 Christian Protestant denominations in America? Judaism is split into Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Renewal, as well as Secular Jews. And then there is the Roman Catholic Church and a Reformed Catholic Church. Of course, we should not forget the Greek Orthodox Church, Russian Orthodox Church, Zoroastrians, and Muslims.

In this country, there is the freedom to "think outside the religious/spiritual box" so to speak. Usually, the children of immigrants become American in culture and attitudes. When Jews came in large numbers from Europe in the last century, one of the first things their Rebbes taught them was baseball, because baseball was American, and American was good!

SHHH! Don't tell the Imams, the same thing is happening to Islam in America. When my kids were growing up, I saw some Muslim classmates with traditional dress and there were others in jeans, with makeup, hair uncovered. (America at work) A recent article in the Dallas Morning News talked about one 26 year old Muslim who prays regularly, observes the Ramadan fasting and is openly gay. He is part of a small, but growing number of American Muslims, challenging the long-standing interpretations of Islam that defined the culture and world of their parents. The Muslims in newspaper article believe that one can be gay and Muslim; that the sexes can pray together, that females can preach and that Muslim women can marry outside the faith -- and they can also point to passages in the Quran as proof texts! 

Every religious group has had to struggle with what it means to their culture, their memes, their country to be, a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim or, an anything in America! The traditions of religious freedoms in this country provide the opportunity and legal protection for its citizens to re-examine the Sacred Scriptures (Tanakh, Christian Bibles, Quran, etc.) and openly speak about different interpretations even though they challenge rules and notions which for centuries were set in stone – meaning controlled by authoritarian religious institutions in other cultures.

Nearly 40% of the 2.75 million Muslims in the U.S. are American born and the number is growing. Many people are worried about ISIS, but if I were ISIS -- I'd be worried by iphones, Twitter, Old Navy, and McDonalds. God Bless America!

Choose Life By Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Shepherding-Leadership -- a New Very-Old Model

What do call the people you work for -- bosses, managers, owners?  

● What kind of people are they?

● How do they treat others?

● How do they treat you?

● How do they treat themselves?

I have heard, and I feel, that the leaders of many companies, especially big corporations, have place “Value” (money and wealth) over “Values” (the timeless ideas of what it means to be moral and ethical people who value the common good). Have corporate leaders sacrificed concerns over the well-being of their workers in the name of more profits?

The more I look at this situation the more I believe that the results are: less productivity, less or no loyalty, more stealing, and less creativity. Devaluing workers also devalues their work. There is very little mentoring. People feel isolated, helpless, afraid of losing their jobs, angry and enraged, sometimes to the point of inflicting their rage on their co-workers or bosses – at the very extreme by shooting those they blame -- or by committing suicide and killing themselves. 

Maybe we need to rethink these things. Is there another model for leadership that should be considered? I believe that the Biblical metaphor of a Good Shepherd has a great potential. Think back to those terribly boring Sunday School stories for a moment. Some of the most important characters in the biblical text were shepherds -- Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and David, to name a few. By the way, that other Jewish guy named “Jesus” was also called a “Good Shepherd,” and the first person to be murdered in the Torah was also a shepherd, the first shepherd, and he was named Abel. The Creator seems to really prefer shepherds to lead his people.

What kind of qualities does a “Good Shepherd” possess?

● they are with the flock

● they provide sustenance for the flock

● they guide the flock in the right direction

● they protect the flock from danger

● they search for members of the flock that become lost

● they strengthen weak members of the flock

Can you imagine what the benefits would be to everyone involved in company if the leaders followed the “Shepherding-Leadership Model?” I believe its long-term profits would increase, its sales would grow, creativity and productivity would dramatically increase – and a new spirit of loyalty, satisfaction and peace would be revealed.

I know – you think I'm dreaming -- right? But I am not, because I know of some leaders of corporations that are doing things in a “shepherding way.” Their workers are happier and productive because they and their work are valued. This power model does not require a huge capital investment. It requires a spiritual investment at the top, beginning with a set of commonly accepted and shared core values, beginning with the “highest value” of all – “the protection and preservation of human life.” “Shepherding-Leadership” acknowledges that employees have lives outside of work and what happens away from work can have tremendous impacts of what happens at work. The rewards of this leadership model will far outweigh the investment required – and those rewards will reach far beyond the workplace.

Choose Life By Doing TOV,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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National Grandparents Day – Sunday, September 7, 2014

I've been so lucky in my life. I have three amazing kids, had wonderful parents and family, and a few very close friends. I got to follow my dreams in music, and today I am lifted by my work. Another blessing for which I am eternally grateful was to know my grandparents. Their unconditional love, kindnesses, and sharing of their stories of coming to America touched my life. And then, there were the trips to the zoo, Coney Island, the circus, the toy stores, the fantastic food, and their company around the holidays. I was blessed to learn their values and receive their encouragement.

I remember when my gramdpa Joe, my mother's father, was ill, dying of cancer, and blind. He had always loved going for walks. During my breaks from being on the road with the band Stanky Brown, I would go by, visit and take him on long walks. One day he burst out crying. I asked what was wrong. He said he knew I was young and busy, and he didn't want to be a burden on me. I hugged him and said, “Don't you remember all the things, places and experiences you did with me? Now it's time to return the favor, with love, patience and kindness.”

I'm sorry to say, that today I see more and more grandparents raising their grandchildren. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and neglect by the parents of their grandchildren have put them in this position. Many grandparents are still living the same values that enabled them to endure and be successful. Hopefully, they will also be able to pass their values on to their grandchildren -- especially taking responsibility.

It breaks my heart to hear so many stories of the abuse and neglect of children by their parents. People have babies for many unsound reasons, to keep a partner, because all their friends do, because they got pregnant, etc. Some of these children end up with their grandparents; some are found in dumpsters and on high school bathroom floors. I dedicated one of my original tee shirts to the people that do such things to children -- "Genitals Are Not Entitlement To Parenthood!"

If a child is not going to be the most important part of your life -- Don't have one!

Parenting is not giving a kid a cell phone to keep them busy all the time. It is also not constantly having your eyes locked on the apps on your phone or constantly texting and neglecting your children. Parenting requires more than anything else – clearly defined times in which parents give their children their undivided attention.  This goes for parents and grandparents, too.

There are many grandparents ( as well as other older people) wasting away in facilities with no one to visit them, no one to hear their stories, no one to make them laugh, or no one to bring them joy. National Grandparents Day only comes around once every year, but we can make any day a very special day for our grandparents or other senior citizens. If you still have your grandparents, let them know how much you love them and how much they've added to your life. If they have passed on, dust off some of those memories & pictures -- be thankful, grateful and appreciative – and share them with your children and grandchildren. Be a living link between those members of both generations.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Our collective TOV potential is waiting to be tapped.

My two sons and I were watching a show on the Science Channel about the latest technology and recent scientific developments -- 3-D printing, androids (Geminarians), cyborg suits which allow the paralyzed to walk again, artificial limbs controlled by our brain waves using a structure to grow stem cells into organs and body parts!!!

When you think about it, humans can be amazingly creative. I would even go as far as to say, we have the technology to solve most of the world's problems. No, I'm not caught up in waiting for some "Messiah." If humans could figure out how to tap human potential, it would be a very different world.

But, the only way for that to occur is for that world to exist, its foundation must rest upon a common standard and shared core values. The most important value being "Life!" Living in that world requires a common standard that measures what protects life, what makes life more functional, nourishes and nurtures life, and what promotes life. 

I have a poster which I've kept for years. It shows a garbage dump in a large city in a third world country. In the photograph, there are hundreds of children with rakes and sticks digging through the trash as it is dumped from a truck – they are looking for metal, plastics and food. I look at some of those children and wonder if there might be among them, an artist, a mathematician, a scientist, a musician, an author, but we'll never know, because all that human potential is being wasted all over the world! A world with no values, except $Value! Don't complain, the chaotic world we have, is the result.

We have the opportunity to create a different world for ourselves and more importantly, for our children. Do not just let your "beliefs" guide you, rather get the facts! Adopt a standard of common values, TOV Values! Remember, it's not another "BS" (belief system) that we need today. We need a common "VS" (values standard) to guide and measure how we act towards ourselves and the rest of creation. Network with others and become co-creators of Justice and Righteousness in this world. Our collective TOV potential is waiting to be tapped -- the rewards will outweigh the investment.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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