TOV Parenting

I recently responded to a posting on FaceBook from someone deciding to leave their synagogue. I read their criticisms and complaints, having heard most of them before as a pulpit rabbi. The points they brought up are very valid.

● Why should they spend so much money for dues, building funds, the Bar and Bat Mitzvah crush?

● Why should they belong to a congregation, go twice a year, and suffer through a long service in a language they don't understand, not knowing why they are doing what they do?

In many congregations, those with the most money have the most influence and are treated differently.  When I taught Hebrew school at a local Reform Temple, I recall a scene that played out over and over -- a parent arguing with their child about going to Hebrew school.

Child: "It's boring, the kids have cliques and are nasty.”

Parent: "You're going!"

Child (yelling): "Why?"

Parent: "Because I had to go, so you have to go!"

Not a positive reason or motivation to learn what it really means to be Jewish, is it? My advice to many parents comes from the Shema and V'Ahavtah, which emphasize that our parents are to be our first teachers.

"Teach these instructions to your children, talk about them . . ."

Can a parent teach their child if he or she does not have a basic knowledge of their Jewish heritage? As a rabbi, I never focused on "blind observance." I require those who study with me to have some Jewish literacy. Knowing the Why, When, What, Where and How, makes it more likely that one will adopt these things in their lives. They help create a spiritual life, which is a life informed by values. Sitting and studying Torah all day is worthless, unless one goes out and practices what they are studying -- with all people, not just Jews. We must practice them among ourselves and with the rest of creation.

Becoming a Jewishly literate parent takes some effort. I know that's difficult in this “immediate gratification nation,” but it's like anything else -- what you put into it, you take from it. In the age of isolation, here is an opportunity to learn Torah values with your children, and even more important, show you children how to put them in practice in real life. Plenty of people home school their children. If you are unaffiliated, you can learn and teach these things to your children and even bring together others who are searching for the same things.

I believe the rabbi should go out to the people to help them learn these values and become active in repairing the world from hatred, poverty, suffering and injustice, creating relationships with others who share and practice the core values, which I call TOV Values. The highest value of the Creator is human life and it is the responsibility of every individual to do acts that protect life, preserve life, make life more functional and/or increases the quality of life.

Parents are teachers regardless of whether they consciously choose to be a teacher or not. They teach their children by what they say and do. So I leave you with this question -- What kind of Parent/Teacher will you choose to be?

Choose Life By Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor