A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!

Alright! I'm coming clean! I don't care for sports, (cause I suck at them), I don't have tattoos, I don't hunt nor do I like  camping and hiking the great outdoors,(though I am inspired by all the amazing places I've seen), I don't drink beer, I don't drive a pickup. OMG! Do you think I'll be drummed out of the ranks of " Malehood?"

It's interesting to see and hear so many perceptions of what being a "real man" means. Advertising and professional sports in particular bombard us with images of males with rippling muscles smashing and crashing into one another -- on a field, slab of ice, etc. Real men smash & crash into others! But, it is very disturbing to see so many reports of domestic violence committed by professional athletes.

Why has violence become the first response to adversity and disagreement in America? Is this what the perpetrators learned and modeled on? Is it the fame that makes them feel powerful? Has our culture become desensitized to the rich and powerful getting away with what the rest of us are forced to suffer? Does it have anything to do with the steady flow of violence the entertainment industry washes our minds with? Check out how women are treated in TV programs and movies these days.

This year I am on the planning committee of the Junior League of Collin County's Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence. When I went to the first general meeting, I listened to reports about many good programs being instituted. But, what I did not hear was anything about a program that confronts those who do the violence. That's a tough one, because the perpetrators do not usually come forward. There needs to be a venue for confronting those who commit domestic violence. I've even entertained the thought of a reality show and intervention.

Those who commit violence are often victims of violence or were raised in homes where there was violence. Violence has a lot to do with control and a deep sense of insecurity. People learn to make violence their first response. I believe an important part of changing their behavior is to teach them that there are better options for responding to adversity and disagreements – and them training them on how to use those options. This can begin with the realization that real men do not commit violence against women or children – or other men either.

I remember teaching my daughter two important things about men:

(1) Find someone who is comfortable with their malehood, comfortable enough to share power and be a true partner with a woman.

(2) Watch how he treats those who serve him or work for him.

This will tell you volumes about his character! He must also be a person of values. Today, I would put it this way – He is a person who does Tov -- one who's actions are good, that make life more functional, acts that protect, enhance and nourish life in all it's dimensions. A person that practices Hesed (loving-kindness).

Those who are gifted and achieve wealth and fame have an obligation and responsibility to be Tov models for others. They must understand that they are models because the media makes them famous – so, shouldn’t they use their lives to make the lives of those who make them famous better?

A new message is being blasted from the media as a result of the video of the athlete knocking the woman out in the elevator -- Those who abuse women will eventually lose access to the markets that made them rich & famous! I can assure you that every professional athlete in America is aware that there is a new game in town.

As Mayor Mike Rawlings said, "You can call a guy who abuses women (and children) a lot of things -- but you can't call him a real man. A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!"

I teach about domestic violence and related workplace violence, as well as hold seminars. Give me a call if you need someone to teach your professional sports team how to be real men.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Today is US Constitution & Citizenship Day.

On September 17, 1787, the delegates to the Constitutional Convention met for the last time to sign the document they had created. Take a moment to celebrate this very important day by listening to this amazing song by a group of children – “We the People.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIf7uFAKkJc

Remember, Repair and Re-Create!

The Hebrew month of Elul, which comes before the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is known as “the days of transformation.”  We are supposed to review our acts and actions in the past year. What have our actions and choices created? This can be a painful time for thinking people. We are to remember during this season.

YAH remembers us, we remember our higher power, we remember the hurts others have caused us -- and we must remember the pain we have caused others. This is called Heshbone HaNefesh, literally, an accounting of the soul. 

It is difficult to forget the hurt caused to us; we carry the anger, the pain, the desire to get even. The rabbis talk about forgiveness, but don't explain that forgiveness is for us, not the one who caused the hurt. Forgiveness is NOT condoning!!! Forgiveness is so we do not carry around the toxic effects of our anger. Festering anger damages us, not the object of our anger.

And what about those people whom we have hurt? That is much more difficult to face. When we encounter someone who has been negatively affected by our actions and choices, we want to run and hide. It's not comfortable to face up to our negative actions, but that is what “the days of transformation” are about.

Unlike some religious traditions, that allow someone to be forgiven by God without addressing the victim, Judaism requires that the victim and the pain we caused to be faced. It is not your higher power's responsibility to repair those relationships, we are responsible for reconciling relationships, however painful that may be. (By the way, that is what the Jewish Jesus taught too!) These are the responses of a mature adult.

The process we use to accomplish this is called Teshuvah, usually translated as "repentance," which for modern people is a hollow term. But, Teshuvah is a process of reconciliation, literally "turning oneself around." One has to admit to the error, ask for forgiveness, make reconciliation, or recompense where possible, and vow not to repeat that action again.

Easier said than done, but that is why Jim Myers and I are teaching people about the TOV Standard. TOV means more than "good", it means doing actions which put life first. It is a yardstick for measuring our choices and behavior. These actions should protect life, enhance the functioning of life, nurture and nourish life and encourage a positive effect on our communities and ourselves.

Doing TOV helps repair our world and re-create a society of Justice, Righteousness and Shalom. Rosh Hashanah begins next Wednesday, September 24^th at sundown. Use the next seven days to remember, repair and re-create. May the coming year bring you Health, Success and Joy.

Do Tov! Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

America is Good for Religion

There are a number of people who are very involved in trying to make sure that their "religious" views should be everyone's religious views. They feel that "Religion is good for America.” But this is open to debate because in my opinion -- “it is America that is good for religion.”

Did you know that there are estimated 40,000 Christian Protestant denominations in America? Judaism is split into Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Renewal, as well as Secular Jews. And then there is the Roman Catholic Church and a Reformed Catholic Church. Of course, we should not forget the Greek Orthodox Church, Russian Orthodox Church, Zoroastrians, and Muslims.

In this country, there is the freedom to "think outside the religious/spiritual box" so to speak. Usually, the children of immigrants become American in culture and attitudes. When Jews came in large numbers from Europe in the last century, one of the first things their Rebbes taught them was baseball, because baseball was American, and American was good!

SHHH! Don't tell the Imams, the same thing is happening to Islam in America. When my kids were growing up, I saw some Muslim classmates with traditional dress and there were others in jeans, with makeup, hair uncovered. (America at work) A recent article in the Dallas Morning News talked about one 26 year old Muslim who prays regularly, observes the Ramadan fasting and is openly gay. He is part of a small, but growing number of American Muslims, challenging the long-standing interpretations of Islam that defined the culture and world of their parents. The Muslims in newspaper article believe that one can be gay and Muslim; that the sexes can pray together, that females can preach and that Muslim women can marry outside the faith -- and they can also point to passages in the Quran as proof texts! 

Every religious group has had to struggle with what it means to their culture, their memes, their country to be, a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim or, an anything in America! The traditions of religious freedoms in this country provide the opportunity and legal protection for its citizens to re-examine the Sacred Scriptures (Tanakh, Christian Bibles, Quran, etc.) and openly speak about different interpretations even though they challenge rules and notions which for centuries were set in stone – meaning controlled by authoritarian religious institutions in other cultures.

Nearly 40% of the 2.75 million Muslims in the U.S. are American born and the number is growing. Many people are worried about ISIS, but if I were ISIS -- I'd be worried by iphones, Twitter, Old Navy, and McDonalds. God Bless America!

Choose Life By Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Shepherding-Leadership -- a New Very-Old Model

What do call the people you work for -- bosses, managers, owners?  

● What kind of people are they?

● How do they treat others?

● How do they treat you?

● How do they treat themselves?

I have heard, and I feel, that the leaders of many companies, especially big corporations, have place “Value” (money and wealth) over “Values” (the timeless ideas of what it means to be moral and ethical people who value the common good). Have corporate leaders sacrificed concerns over the well-being of their workers in the name of more profits?

The more I look at this situation the more I believe that the results are: less productivity, less or no loyalty, more stealing, and less creativity. Devaluing workers also devalues their work. There is very little mentoring. People feel isolated, helpless, afraid of losing their jobs, angry and enraged, sometimes to the point of inflicting their rage on their co-workers or bosses – at the very extreme by shooting those they blame -- or by committing suicide and killing themselves. 

Maybe we need to rethink these things. Is there another model for leadership that should be considered? I believe that the Biblical metaphor of a Good Shepherd has a great potential. Think back to those terribly boring Sunday School stories for a moment. Some of the most important characters in the biblical text were shepherds -- Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and David, to name a few. By the way, that other Jewish guy named “Jesus” was also called a “Good Shepherd,” and the first person to be murdered in the Torah was also a shepherd, the first shepherd, and he was named Abel. The Creator seems to really prefer shepherds to lead his people.

What kind of qualities does a “Good Shepherd” possess?

● they are with the flock

● they provide sustenance for the flock

● they guide the flock in the right direction

● they protect the flock from danger

● they search for members of the flock that become lost

● they strengthen weak members of the flock

Can you imagine what the benefits would be to everyone involved in company if the leaders followed the “Shepherding-Leadership Model?” I believe its long-term profits would increase, its sales would grow, creativity and productivity would dramatically increase – and a new spirit of loyalty, satisfaction and peace would be revealed.

I know – you think I'm dreaming -- right? But I am not, because I know of some leaders of corporations that are doing things in a “shepherding way.” Their workers are happier and productive because they and their work are valued. This power model does not require a huge capital investment. It requires a spiritual investment at the top, beginning with a set of commonly accepted and shared core values, beginning with the “highest value” of all – “the protection and preservation of human life.” “Shepherding-Leadership” acknowledges that employees have lives outside of work and what happens away from work can have tremendous impacts of what happens at work. The rewards of this leadership model will far outweigh the investment required – and those rewards will reach far beyond the workplace.

Choose Life By Doing TOV,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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National Grandparents Day – Sunday, September 7, 2014

I've been so lucky in my life. I have three amazing kids, had wonderful parents and family, and a few very close friends. I got to follow my dreams in music, and today I am lifted by my work. Another blessing for which I am eternally grateful was to know my grandparents. Their unconditional love, kindnesses, and sharing of their stories of coming to America touched my life. And then, there were the trips to the zoo, Coney Island, the circus, the toy stores, the fantastic food, and their company around the holidays. I was blessed to learn their values and receive their encouragement.

I remember when my gramdpa Joe, my mother's father, was ill, dying of cancer, and blind. He had always loved going for walks. During my breaks from being on the road with the band Stanky Brown, I would go by, visit and take him on long walks. One day he burst out crying. I asked what was wrong. He said he knew I was young and busy, and he didn't want to be a burden on me. I hugged him and said, “Don't you remember all the things, places and experiences you did with me? Now it's time to return the favor, with love, patience and kindness.”

I'm sorry to say, that today I see more and more grandparents raising their grandchildren. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and neglect by the parents of their grandchildren have put them in this position. Many grandparents are still living the same values that enabled them to endure and be successful. Hopefully, they will also be able to pass their values on to their grandchildren -- especially taking responsibility.

It breaks my heart to hear so many stories of the abuse and neglect of children by their parents. People have babies for many unsound reasons, to keep a partner, because all their friends do, because they got pregnant, etc. Some of these children end up with their grandparents; some are found in dumpsters and on high school bathroom floors. I dedicated one of my original tee shirts to the people that do such things to children -- "Genitals Are Not Entitlement To Parenthood!"

If a child is not going to be the most important part of your life -- Don't have one!

Parenting is not giving a kid a cell phone to keep them busy all the time. It is also not constantly having your eyes locked on the apps on your phone or constantly texting and neglecting your children. Parenting requires more than anything else – clearly defined times in which parents give their children their undivided attention.  This goes for parents and grandparents, too.

There are many grandparents ( as well as other older people) wasting away in facilities with no one to visit them, no one to hear their stories, no one to make them laugh, or no one to bring them joy. National Grandparents Day only comes around once every year, but we can make any day a very special day for our grandparents or other senior citizens. If you still have your grandparents, let them know how much you love them and how much they've added to your life. If they have passed on, dust off some of those memories & pictures -- be thankful, grateful and appreciative – and share them with your children and grandchildren. Be a living link between those members of both generations.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Our collective TOV potential is waiting to be tapped.

My two sons and I were watching a show on the Science Channel about the latest technology and recent scientific developments -- 3-D printing, androids (Geminarians), cyborg suits which allow the paralyzed to walk again, artificial limbs controlled by our brain waves using a structure to grow stem cells into organs and body parts!!!

When you think about it, humans can be amazingly creative. I would even go as far as to say, we have the technology to solve most of the world's problems. No, I'm not caught up in waiting for some "Messiah." If humans could figure out how to tap human potential, it would be a very different world.

But, the only way for that to occur is for that world to exist, its foundation must rest upon a common standard and shared core values. The most important value being "Life!" Living in that world requires a common standard that measures what protects life, what makes life more functional, nourishes and nurtures life, and what promotes life. 

I have a poster which I've kept for years. It shows a garbage dump in a large city in a third world country. In the photograph, there are hundreds of children with rakes and sticks digging through the trash as it is dumped from a truck – they are looking for metal, plastics and food. I look at some of those children and wonder if there might be among them, an artist, a mathematician, a scientist, a musician, an author, but we'll never know, because all that human potential is being wasted all over the world! A world with no values, except $Value! Don't complain, the chaotic world we have, is the result.

We have the opportunity to create a different world for ourselves and more importantly, for our children. Do not just let your "beliefs" guide you, rather get the facts! Adopt a standard of common values, TOV Values! Remember, it's not another "BS" (belief system) that we need today. We need a common "VS" (values standard) to guide and measure how we act towards ourselves and the rest of creation. Network with others and become co-creators of Justice and Righteousness in this world. Our collective TOV potential is waiting to be tapped -- the rewards will outweigh the investment.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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