The Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur)

This Friday (sundown - October 3, 2014), as the sun goes down, the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) begins. As I have mentioned before, it is our responsibility to repair and reconcile relationships. The three most important relationships are the one we have with ourselves, the one we have with our "Higher Power" (whatever that might or might not be), and the ones we have with the rest of creation. All the work seems to be on us and rightfully so, because of all of creation, humans are the one creature that always needs improvement.

The word "atonement" breaks down into, “at-one-ment.” On Yom Kippur, we recognize and accept responsibility for actions on our part that destroyed relationships, broke a trust, ruined a reputation, cheating in business, greed over good, and on and on. These things separate us from our highest self; they separate us from the love of others. The process of Teshuvah (repentance), literally turning oneself around, helps bring about a change of heart, and a regenerated personality. It reminds us to view ourselves as a being created with the "spirit of Elohim", that our real selves reflect the divine image, and that our actions and choices should be guided by values which reflect those of the “spirit of Elohim” – Tov Values.

Tov Values are “Life 1^st Values.” When we adopt Tov Values as our highest values we choose to do acts that:

“protect life, preserve lives, makes lives more functional, increase the quality of lives – and that enhance, nourish and nurture lives.”

We create relationships with others who share Tov Values. Tov acts are good and pleasing to the eyes of Elohim and people too. Many times, the meaning in life is measured in the victory we achieve in disciplining our baser self and bending it to serve a higher purpose.

On Yom Kippur, we remove ourselves from every aspect of the mundane world. We fast, turn off our cell phones and other appliances. We open our ears, eyes, hearts, and souls to reconnect with ourselves and with others. We refrain from indulging our physical appetites for a limited period not to deny our physical appetites, but to subsume them to a higher set of values and the need of putting our desires in their proper place and context. 

The customary greeting for this Holy day is "G'Mar Chatimah Tova," – “may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a year of Tov, a year of health, a year of peace and a year of life.”

The prophet Isaiah (chapter 58), which is read on Yom Kippur states;

"Your fasting today is not such as to make your voice heard on high . . . No, this is the fast I desire: to unlock the fetters of wickedness, and untie the chords of the Yoke, to let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him . . . Then shall your light burst through like the dawn."

This year -- Do Tov, Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Power of Collective TOV Creativity -- Ubuntu

One of the most important concepts that Jim Myers and I teach through the Tov Center is about the importance of "Community." We live in a society of individuals. Everyone is a "ME." Individual rights, needs and wants take priority over those of community. Essentially, the "WE" is disappearing from America, the nation famously known as “WE the people!”

This creates a problem that most people do not seem to be aware of -- without a "WE" there is no "ME." Without a “WE” there is no righteousness; there is no kindness; there is no justice; there is no Tov; and, there is no community without others! And, very importantly, there is no shared Values Standard we can use to guide and measure human relationships. Every “ME” is running around with his or her own “self-created standard” measuring the world with it. Reminds me of that old Law of the Jungle thing, but this time the biggest “ME” prevails. The loss of a shared collective standard is the pressing problem of our generation. It is a problem that much of our work at the Tov Center will focus on.

I now use the term, "Communitarian" to describe myself. I live in a community of all kinds of people and I guide my actions by the Tov Standard. Tov means more than "good." Tov is an act that is pleasing to the eyes, makes life more functional, enhances the quality of life, protects life, nourishes and nurtures life. Life is the focus of the Tov Standard, which simply identifies and measures whose lives will be/have been affected by decisions and actions. 

The picture above came from a FaceBook posting called "Ubuntu." It emphasizes the importance of community and offers a different perspective on what "true love" is and the peace it brings. "Ubuntu" in the Xhosa culture means:

"I am because We are."

Now, don't run out and burn your Visa and MasterCard or join a 12 step program for consumer addiction. Like anything else, I try to find a balance between caring for my own needs and caring for the community. Sometimes the priority of one will outweigh the other; that is also part of life.

Many people are familiar with the tradition of breaking the glass at the end of a Jewish wedding ceremony. There are literally thousands of reasons given. My favorite is that even on one of the most joyous occasions in life, we can't be totally joyous because at that moment other people in the world are engaged in war, suffering from poverty, attacked by bigots, oppressed by inequality and being ignored by the justice systems. “WEs” are required to successfully repair certain levels of damage in our world. But the first steps of creating a “WE” are:

(1) the adoption of a shared values standard by two or more “MEs”

(2) creating shared values relationships

(3) communicating and acting together

David Muir, the new ABC World News anchor, recently said, "I think there's a hunger for a consensus in this country; there are so many polarizing voices." To those voices, I say “Ubuntu” – 

“I am because we are.”

It is our time to repair the world; just previous generations had their times.  I say we can do it the Tov way, the Communitarian way. Or as the very wise Jewish sage Hillel once said (Mishnah Avot 1:14):

"If I am not for myself, who is for me?

And if I am only for myself, what am I?

And if not now, when?"

Let's repair our world by doing Tov together!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!

Alright! I'm coming clean! I don't care for sports, (cause I suck at them), I don't have tattoos, I don't hunt nor do I like  camping and hiking the great outdoors,(though I am inspired by all the amazing places I've seen), I don't drink beer, I don't drive a pickup. OMG! Do you think I'll be drummed out of the ranks of " Malehood?"

It's interesting to see and hear so many perceptions of what being a "real man" means. Advertising and professional sports in particular bombard us with images of males with rippling muscles smashing and crashing into one another -- on a field, slab of ice, etc. Real men smash & crash into others! But, it is very disturbing to see so many reports of domestic violence committed by professional athletes.

Why has violence become the first response to adversity and disagreement in America? Is this what the perpetrators learned and modeled on? Is it the fame that makes them feel powerful? Has our culture become desensitized to the rich and powerful getting away with what the rest of us are forced to suffer? Does it have anything to do with the steady flow of violence the entertainment industry washes our minds with? Check out how women are treated in TV programs and movies these days.

This year I am on the planning committee of the Junior League of Collin County's Interfaith Symposium on Domestic Violence. When I went to the first general meeting, I listened to reports about many good programs being instituted. But, what I did not hear was anything about a program that confronts those who do the violence. That's a tough one, because the perpetrators do not usually come forward. There needs to be a venue for confronting those who commit domestic violence. I've even entertained the thought of a reality show and intervention.

Those who commit violence are often victims of violence or were raised in homes where there was violence. Violence has a lot to do with control and a deep sense of insecurity. People learn to make violence their first response. I believe an important part of changing their behavior is to teach them that there are better options for responding to adversity and disagreements – and them training them on how to use those options. This can begin with the realization that real men do not commit violence against women or children – or other men either.

I remember teaching my daughter two important things about men:

(1) Find someone who is comfortable with their malehood, comfortable enough to share power and be a true partner with a woman.

(2) Watch how he treats those who serve him or work for him.

This will tell you volumes about his character! He must also be a person of values. Today, I would put it this way – He is a person who does Tov -- one who's actions are good, that make life more functional, acts that protect, enhance and nourish life in all it's dimensions. A person that practices Hesed (loving-kindness).

Those who are gifted and achieve wealth and fame have an obligation and responsibility to be Tov models for others. They must understand that they are models because the media makes them famous – so, shouldn’t they use their lives to make the lives of those who make them famous better?

A new message is being blasted from the media as a result of the video of the athlete knocking the woman out in the elevator -- Those who abuse women will eventually lose access to the markets that made them rich & famous! I can assure you that every professional athlete in America is aware that there is a new game in town.

As Mayor Mike Rawlings said, "You can call a guy who abuses women (and children) a lot of things -- but you can't call him a real man. A real man doesn't hit women (or children) – ever!!!"

I teach about domestic violence and related workplace violence, as well as hold seminars. Give me a call if you need someone to teach your professional sports team how to be real men.

Choose Life by Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Today is US Constitution & Citizenship Day.

On September 17, 1787, the delegates to the Constitutional Convention met for the last time to sign the document they had created. Take a moment to celebrate this very important day by listening to this amazing song by a group of children – “We the People.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIf7uFAKkJc

Remember, Repair and Re-Create!

The Hebrew month of Elul, which comes before the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is known as “the days of transformation.”  We are supposed to review our acts and actions in the past year. What have our actions and choices created? This can be a painful time for thinking people. We are to remember during this season.

YAH remembers us, we remember our higher power, we remember the hurts others have caused us -- and we must remember the pain we have caused others. This is called Heshbone HaNefesh, literally, an accounting of the soul. 

It is difficult to forget the hurt caused to us; we carry the anger, the pain, the desire to get even. The rabbis talk about forgiveness, but don't explain that forgiveness is for us, not the one who caused the hurt. Forgiveness is NOT condoning!!! Forgiveness is so we do not carry around the toxic effects of our anger. Festering anger damages us, not the object of our anger.

And what about those people whom we have hurt? That is much more difficult to face. When we encounter someone who has been negatively affected by our actions and choices, we want to run and hide. It's not comfortable to face up to our negative actions, but that is what “the days of transformation” are about.

Unlike some religious traditions, that allow someone to be forgiven by God without addressing the victim, Judaism requires that the victim and the pain we caused to be faced. It is not your higher power's responsibility to repair those relationships, we are responsible for reconciling relationships, however painful that may be. (By the way, that is what the Jewish Jesus taught too!) These are the responses of a mature adult.

The process we use to accomplish this is called Teshuvah, usually translated as "repentance," which for modern people is a hollow term. But, Teshuvah is a process of reconciliation, literally "turning oneself around." One has to admit to the error, ask for forgiveness, make reconciliation, or recompense where possible, and vow not to repeat that action again.

Easier said than done, but that is why Jim Myers and I are teaching people about the TOV Standard. TOV means more than "good", it means doing actions which put life first. It is a yardstick for measuring our choices and behavior. These actions should protect life, enhance the functioning of life, nurture and nourish life and encourage a positive effect on our communities and ourselves.

Doing TOV helps repair our world and re-create a society of Justice, Righteousness and Shalom. Rosh Hashanah begins next Wednesday, September 24^th at sundown. Use the next seven days to remember, repair and re-create. May the coming year bring you Health, Success and Joy.

Do Tov! Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

America is Good for Religion

There are a number of people who are very involved in trying to make sure that their "religious" views should be everyone's religious views. They feel that "Religion is good for America.” But this is open to debate because in my opinion -- “it is America that is good for religion.”

Did you know that there are estimated 40,000 Christian Protestant denominations in America? Judaism is split into Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Renewal, as well as Secular Jews. And then there is the Roman Catholic Church and a Reformed Catholic Church. Of course, we should not forget the Greek Orthodox Church, Russian Orthodox Church, Zoroastrians, and Muslims.

In this country, there is the freedom to "think outside the religious/spiritual box" so to speak. Usually, the children of immigrants become American in culture and attitudes. When Jews came in large numbers from Europe in the last century, one of the first things their Rebbes taught them was baseball, because baseball was American, and American was good!

SHHH! Don't tell the Imams, the same thing is happening to Islam in America. When my kids were growing up, I saw some Muslim classmates with traditional dress and there were others in jeans, with makeup, hair uncovered. (America at work) A recent article in the Dallas Morning News talked about one 26 year old Muslim who prays regularly, observes the Ramadan fasting and is openly gay. He is part of a small, but growing number of American Muslims, challenging the long-standing interpretations of Islam that defined the culture and world of their parents. The Muslims in newspaper article believe that one can be gay and Muslim; that the sexes can pray together, that females can preach and that Muslim women can marry outside the faith -- and they can also point to passages in the Quran as proof texts! 

Every religious group has had to struggle with what it means to their culture, their memes, their country to be, a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim or, an anything in America! The traditions of religious freedoms in this country provide the opportunity and legal protection for its citizens to re-examine the Sacred Scriptures (Tanakh, Christian Bibles, Quran, etc.) and openly speak about different interpretations even though they challenge rules and notions which for centuries were set in stone – meaning controlled by authoritarian religious institutions in other cultures.

Nearly 40% of the 2.75 million Muslims in the U.S. are American born and the number is growing. Many people are worried about ISIS, but if I were ISIS -- I'd be worried by iphones, Twitter, Old Navy, and McDonalds. God Bless America!

Choose Life By Doing TOV!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Shepherding-Leadership -- a New Very-Old Model

What do call the people you work for -- bosses, managers, owners?  

● What kind of people are they?

● How do they treat others?

● How do they treat you?

● How do they treat themselves?

I have heard, and I feel, that the leaders of many companies, especially big corporations, have place “Value” (money and wealth) over “Values” (the timeless ideas of what it means to be moral and ethical people who value the common good). Have corporate leaders sacrificed concerns over the well-being of their workers in the name of more profits?

The more I look at this situation the more I believe that the results are: less productivity, less or no loyalty, more stealing, and less creativity. Devaluing workers also devalues their work. There is very little mentoring. People feel isolated, helpless, afraid of losing their jobs, angry and enraged, sometimes to the point of inflicting their rage on their co-workers or bosses – at the very extreme by shooting those they blame -- or by committing suicide and killing themselves. 

Maybe we need to rethink these things. Is there another model for leadership that should be considered? I believe that the Biblical metaphor of a Good Shepherd has a great potential. Think back to those terribly boring Sunday School stories for a moment. Some of the most important characters in the biblical text were shepherds -- Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and David, to name a few. By the way, that other Jewish guy named “Jesus” was also called a “Good Shepherd,” and the first person to be murdered in the Torah was also a shepherd, the first shepherd, and he was named Abel. The Creator seems to really prefer shepherds to lead his people.

What kind of qualities does a “Good Shepherd” possess?

● they are with the flock

● they provide sustenance for the flock

● they guide the flock in the right direction

● they protect the flock from danger

● they search for members of the flock that become lost

● they strengthen weak members of the flock

Can you imagine what the benefits would be to everyone involved in company if the leaders followed the “Shepherding-Leadership Model?” I believe its long-term profits would increase, its sales would grow, creativity and productivity would dramatically increase – and a new spirit of loyalty, satisfaction and peace would be revealed.

I know – you think I'm dreaming -- right? But I am not, because I know of some leaders of corporations that are doing things in a “shepherding way.” Their workers are happier and productive because they and their work are valued. This power model does not require a huge capital investment. It requires a spiritual investment at the top, beginning with a set of commonly accepted and shared core values, beginning with the “highest value” of all – “the protection and preservation of human life.” “Shepherding-Leadership” acknowledges that employees have lives outside of work and what happens away from work can have tremendous impacts of what happens at work. The rewards of this leadership model will far outweigh the investment required – and those rewards will reach far beyond the workplace.

Choose Life By Doing TOV,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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