Want Immediate Gratification? Do TOV!

What is the difference between a Master and a Beginner? The Master has failed more times than the Beginner could ever even imagine. One becomes a "Master" (M/F) by constantly practicing their skills and abilities in their lives. They see themselves as a work in progress because they understand that in the process of mastering something there is failure, defeat and loss, whether they are in competition with others or with themselves. However, they use those things to learn and grow from the failures, because they reframe the situation and figure out a different approach or tactic which enables them to progress.

I'm teaching this as well as learning it myself. It also funnels my energy into learning rather than beating myself up for failing or making a mistake. The "Immediate Gratification" comes from taking a negative and turning it to a positive. That decision empowers me!

Those who want instant results will be disappointed. Becoming a Master takes a long time. Very few people are automatic masters. In our culture, we are trained to expect immediate success, immediate results, immediate recognition, immediate wealth and so on. With such expectations, no wonder there are so many disappointed, impatient, enraged people around.

Most of the time, I have lots of questions and few answers, but in this case there is something we can all do that is not difficult. It will lift our spirits and the spirits of others, it will give us meaning and purpose and it will give immediate gratification as well as teaching gratification for the long-term by Doing TOV!

In Jewish Tradition, the Torah teaches that we are supposed to give a "handout" to the weakest and most vulnerable, but the highest form of Tzedakkah (justice/righteousness) is a "hand-up", which enables someone to become self-sufficient and contribute to the community. Our "yardstick" is the TOV Standard which are Thoughts, Words and Acts which Protect life, Preserve Life, Make Life More Functional and Increase the Quality of Life. When we act with loving-kindness towards others, when we fill a need, heal a wound, nourish a soul, the Gratification is Immediate. The result of these actions uplifts everyone involved and the reward is like a hefty deposit in our spiritual account.

Maybe we should do away with the "Bar/Bat Mitzvah" which has become a passageless rite for so many and create a new category for everyone called a "Ben TOV/Bat TOV" Sons and Daughters of Doing TOV. That is where people begin to study TOV and eventually after much practice and growth we become a "Ba'al TOV/ Ba'alit TOV" -- A Master of TOV. These people train and mentor others who are in process and help create communities who practice these values to repair the world. Want satisfaction, meaning, purpose and immediate and long-term gratification, become a Master of TOV.

DO TOV Choose Life!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

The Awesome Power of Choosing Life and Doing TOV

This morning, I am inspired! I usually have my coffee and check out FB and news. There was a video posted about a young man that blew me away! He was bullied and made to feel like an outcast in his HS. His mom saw that he was beaten down and heartbroken by his treatment. She decided to move him to a larger city school, not knowing what would happen. 

At his new school, he started holding the door open and greeting everyone as they arrived and at other times. Many people thought he was "just weird, " some started calling him "the doorman." After a while people really liked being greeted, and being shown kindness and consideration. The result was amazing. The students really looked forward to the experience -- some stopped and hugged him, touched him on the arm and greeted him. He was chosen Prom King by his peers and now speaks to other kids about his experience. Even he is amazed!

This touched my soul. These are the things that I'm learning myself and teaching to others. He displayed real courage. The only thing that we control in this life is our response to what life brings. In all too many cases today, the usual response to being bullied and made into an outcast is violent rage. This plays out in mass shootings and the "blaze of glory suicide ending" of the "hurt" party.

This teen however, decided to Choose Life, which can be very painful and scary. His approach is the best teaching experience there is, because of how much we grow by being in the process. He was able to channel his pain, loneliness and anger into doing acts of TOV, actions of courage, kindness and real love -- all of which affirm Life by transforming his life and the lives of others!

His Hesed (Hebrew for Lovingkindness) to others also gave an insight into his soul and who he really is as a person. People felt "valued" and responded in kind.

Let this be a lesson for all of us about making empowered decisions. Pain, fear and doubt are hard to face, but in doing so, therein lies our soul's progress. Choosing Life and Doing TOV brings back blessings for all.

Discover the Power of Light 1^st TOV Values!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

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A Snapshot of Our Nation

I was reading the Sunday paper and turned to the Nation section of the Dallas Morning News. I was amazed! It was a perfect "snapshot" not only of this country, but also telling picture of a society whose core values have disappeared. On one page, there were three "briefs."

● The first was about two teen sweethearts from Kentucky, an 18 year old man and a thirteen year old girl, who are armed and are leaving a trail of crime across the state.

● The second was about a woman in San Diego arrested on suspicion of murder. Two bodies were found, a man who had been shot and a child found in a freezer hidden under some items of frozen food.

● The third story was about a 24 year old man in Pittsburgh who set a fire that killed six people, including four children, for revenge on someone in the house.

The main articles, the mall shooting in Florida left two dead including the shooter. This was a case of Domestic Violence. Luckily, this happened before the main shops were open. The man's wife, the intended victim, survived. At the bottom of the page, a 22 year old New Jersey woman was charged with murder for putting her newborn baby girl in the middle of a road and set the child on fire. The baby died 2 hours later in the emergency room. 

The article in the middle of the page talked about the new after-school dinner program for those in elementary schools from low-income families in Los Angeles. It is a growing trend and this is happening in a number of other cities around the country. Many of these students come from homes where there is not enough money for the children to eat regularly. In 2009, 19 million suppers were served, in 2014, 104 million suppers were needed. 

The introduction of dinner to school routines could take the place of what many consider a near sacred ritual: the family dinner, which has suffered much in our society. Proponents say many students stay on campus until the early evening anyway, but for the most needy, they might not get anything to eat when they get home. One 10 year old said she usually eats crackers and then goes to bed.

As the saying goes, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention" (or you don't care!). We have to ask ourselves if this is the kind of country we want? Is this what we want for our children and all those who will come after us?

The work of the TOV Center fosters common values, common goals and communities of action for the common good. It is a grave sin to waste human potential. Our children, our young people may have answers for us and new ways of doing things, new creativity and new approaches, but we may never know because a hungry mind can't function. The Jewish Sages taught, Ain Kemach, ain Torah, “If there is no bread, there is no study and no learning.” 

We believe America is suffering a values crisis – a crisis of core shared values. The core values bonds that held earlier generations together are glaringly absent today. We are committed to raising the awareness of the importance of individuals consciously adopting core values and creating value-based relations. We are also committed to educating, training, and assist in community building.

Please help Jim Myers and I raise the seed money we need to fund the initial work of the TOV Center. We have been working very hard on our first series of classes and seminars, and hope to have them ready very soon. I hope that you will join in with me and be part of the TOV Center’s very important work. For information about how to make a donation – CLICK HERE.  

Do TOV, Choose Life

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

What are the Values of Your "GOD"?

Since the terrorist attacks in France last week, I keep waiting for" the other shoe to drop." I'm waiting for the backlash against Muslims. In fact, last Sunday the Dallas Morning News had an article called, "Muslims Wait and Worry." Mosques across France have been hit by bullets or small explosive devices. Many have been defaced by racist graffiti. Fire bombings and marches against the Islamization of Europe. Muslim individuals report daily insults and attacks in the streets. The news is also filled with stories of all the violence which Muslims are perpetrating upon one another. 

Does "Allah" Value murder, rape, kidnapping, using 10 year old children as suicide bombers? Probably not! The Muslim community needs to separate themselves from these actions. Hassen Farsadu, the president of the Union of Muslim Associations in France said, "The terrorist attacks were a despicable, criminal act, which we condemn utterly. But it's the rest of us who are paying the bill and we fear it will be a problem in the future. The Muslim community is very afraid."

Oliver Roy, an expert on Political Islam and a professor at the European University Institute said, "What needs to happen is that the Muslim elites who are representative of the broader Muslim population in all its diversity must speak out." If acts of violence, terror and injustice are not the "values" you hold, then show the world, show the Muslim world! Don't only condemn these actions, do everything you can to prevent them. Otherwise violence will follow violence in a vicious never ending cycle. I understand that there must be many Muslim communities that are literally living in fear of reprisals for speaking out and acting against extremist actions, but silence is agreement and consent! And you know that for every violent act committed, there will be violent consequences and reactions.

The concepts of TOV and RA are given in Genesis 2. In that account, the contextual meaning of RA, the Hebrew word for “evil” means, “Thoughts, Words and Acts which Destroy Life, Threaten Life, Make Life Less Functional and Decrease the Quality of Life.” TOV, the Hebrew word for Good, in Genesis 1, is contextually defined as “Thoughts, Words and Acts which Protect Life, Preserve Life, Make Life More Functional and Increase the Quality of Life.” The TOV appears 7 times in Genesis 1 and any Hebrew word that appears seven times in a context means the author thought it was a very important word. TOV is the Creator’s Standard – He used it to measure His actions.

What would happen if everyone began using the TOV Standard instead of the very subjective words “good” and “evil”? There would be no doubt that acts like those done by radical Muslims in France would measure RA because they destroyed life. There is nothing subjective about what they did!

Of course, tobacco corporations targeting kids for their deadly products or fast food corporations intentionally creating foods that are addictive and harmful to human health would also measure RA by the Creator’s TOV Standard – and there is nothing subjective about that either!

What is the highest value and top priority of the Creator in the Torah? The answer is -- Life!

What are your "God’s Values?”

Do TOV, Choose Life, and use the TOV Standard!

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

If you like this blog, please visit our TOV Center Facebook Page by clicking here and “Like It.” And then “Share It” with others.

What is a “Real Man”?

I was listening to KRLD radio and they had an interesting segment about women and guns. There has been a large increase in the number of women who are taking concealed weapons training classes. The person being interviewed was an ex-military gun instructor who made some very important points. He said that he felt, from what he's heard from many of the women he teaches, that the increase in those who are getting training and gun licenses is a reaction to the violence perpetrated against women today!

He added that women make better students, because they listen. They don't come to the training with poor habits and pre-conceived notions. More than that, he said that women do not come to the trainings as an "ego" thing. Women don't need to carry a gun to feel like "real women." They carry a gun to defend themselves against men. A male who needs to carry a gun as an ego power booster to feel like a "real man," is a danger to everyone. I'm not against people using guns to defend themselves or go hunting if that's what they wish -- but I am against people having guns if they are enraged, angry, irrational, violent people!

If "Perception" is "Reality," then everyone's perceptions are different. For instance, when we use the word, "God," that depends upon what the perception of the one using that word is. With seven billion people, that's seven billion perceptions, no two alike. Theologies are different, mythologies are different, and perceptions are different. Where can we find common ground? The answer is “Values.” 

The TOV Standard is a tool we can use to not only set boundaries and to identify “the common good.” It may be used to define what it means to be “A Real Man."

● A Real Man is one who listens and one who learns.

● A Real Man is one whose "ego" is not tied to violence, toughness and authoritarian power.

● A "Real Man" is one whose Thoughts, Words and Acts are focused on doing TOV.

The bottom line is that men and women who reveal the “image of the Creator” are those who hold Primary Core Values that Protect Life, Preserve Life, Make Life More Functional and Increase the Quality of Life.

Two lessons we learned from the story about the Garden in Eden are:

(1) Every person has the potential to reflect “the image of the Creator” through their actions – or reflect “the image of the serpent (a wild predatory animal) through their thoughts, words, and actions.

(2) The male and female in the garden were created to be co-creators and co-shepherding rulers (the model for power established in the first creation account is that of a shepherd). In order to be what they were created to be – they must act in harmony together according to the TOV Standard.

As Males learn to free themselves from the terrible insecurities placed upon them by their cultures and learn how to be co-creators and co-shepherding rulers with women, the world will begin to be transformed for the better. In the meantime, take cover! 

Do TOV Choose Life 

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

If you like this blog, please visit our TOV Center FaceBook Page by clicking here and “Like It.” And then “Share It” with others.

Do You Have An Emergency Preparedness Plan?

62% of Americans are living from pay check to pay check. Many Americans do not have a plan in place in the event of disaster? The following poll from the Center for Health Information at Adelphi University provides a great overview for making your own personal emergency preparedness plan. Make a check list and start putting things in place now by clicking on --

http://chi.adelphi.edu/think-about-it/the-adelphi-university-center-for-health-innovation-poll/emergency-preparedness/

Our Future Depends on Our Ability to Create Value-Based Relationships & Communities

A primary part of the TOV Center’s mission is to assist people in the creation and maintenance of value-based relationships and communities. Beginning in the 1970s, and with the passage of each decade, fewer Americans are actively involved in face-to-face communities and loneliness is becoming an epidemic that has deadly consequences. Today, I want to share some quotes from three books I have recently read that are related to this topic.

The following quotes are from The Impulse Society: America in the Age of Instant Gratification by Raul Roberts © 2014, Bloomsbury, New York, NY:

(1) Indeed, social connectedness is actually more important than affluence: regular social activities such as volunteering, church attendance, entertaining friends, or joining a club provide us with the same boost to happiness as does a doubling of personal income. As Harvard’s Robert Putnam notes:

“The single most common finding from a half century’s research on the correlates of life satisfaction, not only in the United States but around the world, is that happiness is best predicted by the breadth and depth of one’s social connections.” (p. 132)

(2) Only then can the self-gain some relief from the short-term values of the marketplace and reconnect to values that are more essential, more permanent, and more human. As important, it is only as we step back that we realize that much of what we’re so frantically seeking in the consumer marketplace actually lies elsewhere. (p. 256)

(3) So much of what many of us hunger for today is connection – making deep, authentic, meaningful relationships with others; we’re still driven, as sociologist Robert Nisbet put it half a century ago, by “the quest for community.” We can’t fulfill that quest, by definition, in a consumer culture that prioritizes immediate, self-centered satisfaction. (p. 256)

The following quotes are from The Village Effect: How Face-to-Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier, Happier, and Smarter) by Susan Pinker © 2014; Spiegel & Grau, New York, NY:

(1) The universal hunger to connect and belong explains much of human behavior from birth until death. Our very survival depends on it. (p. 8)

(2) Beginning from the first moments of life and at every age and stage, close contact with other people – and especially women – affects how we think, whom we trust, and where we invest our money. Our social ties influence our sense of satisfaction with life, our cognitive skills, and how resistant we are to infections and chronic disease.  (p. 9)

(3) If you’re surrounded by a tightly connected circle of friends who gather regularly to eat and share gossip, you’ll not only have fun but you’re also likely to live an average of fifteen years longer than a loner. (p. 10)

(4) Despite this powerful evidence, our habits are becoming more solitary. Since the late eighties, when social isolation was first earmarked as a risk for early death in a landmark study in Science, more and more people say that they feel isolated and lonely. (p. 10)

(5) Oxytocin and vasopressin, two neuropeptides that are secreted into the bloodstream when we form and maintain meaningful relationships, help damp down stress and heal wounds. (p. 63)

(6) Feeling lonely is as painful as being wildly hungry or thirsty. . . Like physical pain or hunger, loneliness effective says, “Hey, you! If you don’t find your people (or they don’t find you), you’re a goner.” (p. 63)

Jewish Law in Gentile Churches: Halakhah and the Beginning of Christian Public Ethics by Markus Bockmuehl; Baker Academic (November 1, 2003).

(1) In ancient civilizations, society and human moral agency were always imbedded in community. (p. 89)

(2) Late twentieth-century Europe and especially North America have witnessed the gradual corrosion of their public moral consensus; as a result, meaningful ethical discourse in society has become increasingly difficult. Where a shared foundation of morality cannot be assumed, how can one speak about right and wrong? (p. 145)

(3) There is a need to think about law legally and morally. (p. 146)

The bottom line is that our future is based on our ability to create face-to-face relationships with others and creating communities. Just as building a house begins with laying a strong foundation, we believe that relationships and communities must also be based on a solid foundation – TOV Values that place Life as the highest value and top priority.

Let me know what you think. Are you interested in value-based relationships and communities?

Shalom!

For links to information about the above books go to -- http://biblicalheritage.org/BHC%20Online%20Bookstore/tov_books.htm