What Does It Take to Raise a Creative Child? Include TOV!

"Child prodigies rarely become adult geniuses who change the world." So says Adam Grant in the Points section in the Dallas Morning News. The thing that holds them back is that they don't learn to be original. Practice makes perfect, but it doesn't make new! "The gifted learn to play magnificent Mozart melodies, but rarely compose their own original scores. They focus their energy on consuming existing scientific knowledge, not producing new insights. They conform to codified rules, rather than inventing their own. 

Research suggests that the most creative children are the least likely to become the teacher's pet. "In adulthood, many prodigies become experts in their fields and leaders in their organizations. Yet only a fraction of gifted children eventually become revolutionary adult creators. Those who do must make a painful transition to an adult who ultimately remakes a domain."

One study shows that parents of highly creative children encourage their children to think for themselves. They tended to place emphasis on moral values, rather than on specific rules. Emphasis was placed on the development of one's own ethical code. Here is a great opportunity to teach a standard that is inclusive and not extractive, that brings people together instead of splitting them apart, a standard of behavior where parents set the example by their actions and provide a model, a standard that encourages thinking "without the box," a safe place to exchange ideas, no matter how far out they may be. The TOV Standard provides this opportunity. It teaches children (and their parents) to ask this question:

Will my Thoughts and Words lead to Actions that Protect Life, Preserve Life, Make Life More Functional and Increase the Quality of Life or will they Destroy Life, Threaten Life, Make Life Less Functional or Decrease the Quality of Life?

Parents can encourage their children to pursue excellence and success, but they can also encourage them to find Joy in their Work! Their children have freedom to sort out their own values and discover their own interests. "Mozart showed interest in music before taking lessons, not the other way around." Many of a child’s first teachers are not elite musicians, but simply people who happen to live nearby. "What motivates people to practice a skill for thousands of hours? The most reliable answer is, passion-discovered through natural curiosity or nurtured through early enjoyable experiences." Albert Einstein once reflected, "Love is a better teacher than a sense of duty."

We can include here the over emphasis on standardized testing! Jonathan Cole, a Professor at Columbia University says: "What we have witnessed here in the United States is the TYRANNY of high-stakes testing and the belief that you can measure ability-by simply looking at SAT scores."  I have never been a proponent of standardized tests; they showed nothing of my creative abilities and my experiences, but were a factor when I applied to Rabbinical School. My GPA at Rutgers was high, Phi Beta Kappa, Who's Who in American Universities and Colleges, Rutgers Honors, Rutgers Scholar.  My GRE scores were, "Eh", but my experience, creativity and personality and my answers in the interview played an important role as well. At Hebrew Union College (Reform), the second question they asked me was about my GRE scores. In my interview at The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative, where I attended) -- that was their last question.

If you want your children to bring original ideas into the world, provide them a model and teach them the TOV Standard and TOV actions. Let them pursue THEIR PASSIONS, not yours!

Would you like to gather with others and learn more about the TOV Center Vision and the benefits of incorporating TOV Values and the TOV Standard in their lives the lives of their children? If you would be interested in attending or holding a gathering, CLICK HERE to email me.  I would appreciate it if you would do one or both of these:

● If you like this blog go to the TOV Center Facebook Page and “Like It” -- click here .

● Become a Team Member of the TOV Center and join the journey with us – click here.

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Professing Religious Memes Without TOV

I was doing some grocery shopping the other day at one of the local small stores. While I was in line, the cashier was very pleasant, but it seemed she was "in the spirit." There were some regular shoppers ahead of me and she was ranting on about “The Lord Jesus did this for me and that for me” and made sure to wish everyone a “Blessed Day.” I just kept my mouth shut and observed. The woman in front of me gave off the vibe of a person who one does not trifle with. She appeared to be agitated and impatient. When it was her turn she blasted the cashier for "pushing her religious beliefs where they don't belong." The cashier was taken aback and became silent. After the order was bagged she wished the agitated customer a “Blessed Day,” to which the customer responded, "I don't feel like having a F***ing blessed day" and stormed out.

I'm very wary of people who always feel the need to show everyone else how pious and devout they are on the outside. I know in the New Testament, Yeshua calls out someone who prays with full Jewish regalia, with tephilin and tallit (prayer straps and prayer shawl) in public. When my father was in college, he was the only Jew on the football team. It was a very anti-Semitic time in the 30's. He would go off in a corner and do his afternoon and evening prayers. His coach, who was a Catholic came over to him and put his arm around him and told him how much respect he had for my dad for doing that, especially in such a private personal manner.

I want to quote from a letter someone wrote to the Dallas Morning News about these types of people and his experience:

"I worked 32 years for a major oil company and part of my job was to interview people wanting to operate a branded gas station/convenience store or wholesale distributorship. It was my experience over those 32 years that those who came professing their religion and throwing a `God bless you" or "I'm praying for you", or other such phrases to make you somehow believe they were honest, straightforward and could be depended upon not to cheat the customer almost were, without exception, the exact opposite!"

The TOV Standard, ( Words, Thoughts and Actions which Protect Life, Preserve Life, Make Life MORE Functional and Increase the Quality of Life) is NOT  Religion, it is ancient wisdom that centers around Common Values, Common Ground for the Common Good. Doing TOV and Living according to TOV Values is not a spectator sport, it is an Action done individually and collectively without the need to trumpet empty piety and devotion to show others. The Jewish Sages teach, "Say Little and DO MUCH!"

This is the inaugural year for the TOV Center. If you feel that the work Jim and I do has merit and can provide options for growth and self-discovery and a more peaceful safer society, please join us by becoming a member of TOV Center, a one year membership is $18.00 and Lifetime is $180. Also if you would make a tax deductible donation it would be greatly appreciated. CLICK HERE for more information about membership and about donating.  

Just like the old TV commercial said, "You don't have to be Jewish...." -- Join the TOV Center and become an active participant in co-creating a New Reality.

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Predators Above and Beyond the Rule of Law Who Use It Against You

Have you ever heard of the Enron Loophole?

Enron had an edge over Nymex in that it was a member of the shadowy, over-the-counter energy market nobody seemed to be watching. Not only that, but Congress had gone so far as to approve special legislation in 2000 promising not to watch Enron as part of its infamous measure called the Commodity Futures Modernization Act. . . Buried in the bill’s legal jargon lay the even more notorious “Enron loophole,” a piece of legislation that specifically exempted over-the-counter energy traders from any regulation. The text of the loophole, drafted in consultation with lawyers hired by Enron, left over-the-counter traders free to behave exactly as they pleased in buying and selling financial products pivotal to the health of the United States and the global economy. The loophole was so potent it took the liberty of making clear that if regulators did happen to uncover fraud in the over-the-counter market, they were still forbidden to do anything about it.[i]

The only protection citizens have from the financial predators that are extracting trillions of dollars from the American economy is the “Rule of Law.” Over the past few decades, not only have they infected the minds of unsuspecting citizens with a “Less Regulations the Better” virus and removing laws from the books that protect citizens from their usurious strategies – they have been paying millions to lobbyists to have new laws passed that prohibit citizens from suing them (like the Enron Loophole above).

For this elite and powerful group money has become more than something they use to make investments, it has become a weapon and the institutions that are supposed to protect citizens into barriers that protect them from justice. Today, two of their latest attacks are in the news today:

(1) Buried in the fine print of certain college enrollment agreements is language that takes away students’ and families’ constitutional right to a day in court. It’s called a “forced arbitration” clause, and it throws any dispute out of court – and into a private, secretive system where a tribunal chosen by the school gets to decide who wins, and who loses.  See -- https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/dept-of-ed-dont-let-colleges-deny-students-of-their-right-to-sue?source=03032016email

(2) Facing hundreds of millions of dollars in lawsuits, the giant biotechnology company Mnsanto last year received a legislative gift from the House of Representatives, a one-paragraph addition to a sweeping chemical safety bill that could help shield it from legal liability for a toxic chemical only it made. See -- http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/01/business/monsanto-could-benefit-from-a-chemical-safety-bill.html?ref=topics&_r=1  & http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/595/136/204/?cid=fb_LG_AdsMonsantoAnniston&src=facebook_ads&campaign=sign_595136204&z00m=27500778

Things you can do:

(1) Sign the petitions at the links above.

(2) Write your US Representative & Senators (just a short note will work & a note received by mail is much more powerful than an email or text).  For contact info for Representatives CLICK HERE; for Senators CLICK HERE.

(3) Ask political candidates if they know about the above attacks on citizens and what they will do if elected.

(4) Share this info with others.

(5) Become a member of the TOV Center, connect with others who share Core Values that Place Human Life Above Profits and Network Together to Co-Create Change – CLICK HERE.

---

[i] The Asylum: The Renegades Who Hijacked the World’s Oil Market by Leah McGrath Goodman © 2011; Harper Collins, New York, NY; p. 218. 

Do You Know Where You’re Going When You Die?

We've recently had some work done on our house. During the work, one of the workmen and I were talking and we drifted onto the topic of religion. He made a statement which I've heard a number of times before -- "Well, I know where I'm going when I die!"

I thought to myself, how nice! I did not delve into a religious discussion with him, but how wonderful that he has the answer to probably the greatest mystery of life itself.

There is no measurable objective evidence to support what he said. It was a Reality created by the Memes (Beliefs) he holds in his Mind -- he was just repeating his MEMES. And, it is important to remember that Memes can seem just as real as Facts to people. While I am a fan of shows like Ghost Adventures, Ghost Hunters and stacks and stacks of books on the subject and also reincarnation, there really are no indisputable facts so far. For me, I just know (in my mind) that this is not all there is, plus the personal experiences I have had with those who were dying that seems to back this up. This reminds me of a question a woman asked me.

There is a quote making the rounds on FB from the late Harper Lee. She wrote, "Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whisky bottle in the hand of another. There are just some kind of men who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results." (You might want to remember this when you listen to some of the current political debates).

I talked about this with one of my chaplain buddies who was intrigued by the thought that Judaism doesn't focus on "getting into heaven" and that that we don't practice Hesed (lovingkindness) or perform acts of TOV to get into Heaven! I told him one reason we do these things is to try to bring some of heaven down here on earth! Another reason we do these things is because acts of lovingkindness take on a life of their own and keep creating TOV long after we are gone. In essence, they contribute to Eternal Life.

In the last Indiana Jones movie, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, at the end, the Russian scientist says to the aliens, "I want to know it all!" Her head literally explodes. Maybe humans are not meant to "know everything." It's very possible that some things are supposed to remain a "mystery." Mysteries actually motivate us to look further, which is what humans do.

Is there life after death? There is probably not some pat Religious MEME answer. It is a mystery. Rather than worry or fear the great unknown, concentrate on living in this world using the TOV Standard to guide your actions and help repair the any damage you may do. Focus on protecting and preserving Life, making Lives more function and increasing the quality of Life. These are the things that create a state of Eternal Life that lasts long after we are gone. What comes next after we die? It's a mystery, but I expect it to be TOV!

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

If you like this blog go to the TOV Center Facebook Page and “Like It” -- click here .

Become a Team Member of the TOV Center and join the journey with us – click here.

Thank You!

State Sponsored Manliness?

Interesting article from the New York Times about China's efforts to recruit more male teachers. Why? They're worried that a shortage of male teachers has produced a generation of timid, self-centered and effeminate boys. Chinese educators are working to reinforce traditional gender roles and values in the classroom. "Men have special duties, they have to be brave, protect women and take responsibility for wrongdoing."

Schools have asked boys to sign petitions pledging to act like "real men." (That concept has yet to be defined.) Principals are trying boys-only classes with courses like martial arts, computer repair and physics, (things that women obviously can't do!). In this country and elsewhere there is active recruiting of more women in the sciences and research and development and creativity in general.

There is a general anxiety about boys in Chinese society. While boys outnumber girls as a result of the long-standing one child policy and a cultural preference for sons, they lag in academic performance. But “The State,” in it's infinite stupidity, is putting their hope in male role models who they believe impart lessons on "assertiveness, courage and sacrifice."

First, there are so many women whose lives and work are examples of true and lasting values and behavior. Second, why is learning these things from a female role model such a problem? Are those lessons any less important or doable because a competent, grown up adult female is the role model?

Parents have accused schools of propagating rigid concepts of masculinity and gender norms. Female educators have denounced efforts to attract more male teachers with lavish perks as sexist. I do not remember having a male teacher until junior high school. I agree with those who say having female teachers was a positive experience and positive influence. One female teacher in the article said,"We have a more intuitive sense of children's needs."

The crux of the matter rests upon the idea that, "It isn't the responsibility of schools to teach boys to be boys. It's the responsibility of the parents." I talk with my daughter all the time about the experience of her first year teaching first graders. I hear this constantly from her and others as well. Parents tell her they don't have time to sit and do homework with their children. Many parents seem to think that signing up their children for school transfers the responsibility of socializing and teaching them how to behave as members of a group to the school. They are usually the ones who complain the loudest and the most.

One of my Leynorisms, "Genitals Are Not Entitlement To Parenthood.!!!" One Chinese "educator" who wrote a book titled, "Save The Boys" claims that Chinese students were increasingly distant from male role models, INCLUDING THEIR FATHERS! Will male teachers be the magic fix they're looking for to perpetuate the gender roles of their culture?

You want to teach boys how to be men? Teach them that Real Men don't abuse women, Real Men are confident to share power with women, Real Men can learn great lessons from both genders as long as the teachers have character, integrity and values. Instead of looking to “The State” for teaching children how to live, parents would achieve much better results by teaching – and demonstrating -- Values that benefit all people for the Common Good.

TOV Values are Time-Tested Values that place LIFE as the Highest Value and Top Priority. Gender Equality is a Core Value and a Basic Requirement of Life – a Value that must be Protected and Preserved for to make Life More Functional and Increases the Quality of Life.  Consumer Virus Memes have infected the minds of our generation. This memetic virus causes Americans to see themselves as “consumers” of school systems, political systems, religious systems, etc. The foundation of a good healthy society is the family and that makes parenting one of the most important roles in the world. Our goal at the TOV Center is to help parents succeed in that role.

For those living in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex area I have a special request.

I want to meet with people and share the TOV Center vision of helping individuals incorporate Time-Tested TOV Values in their lives, assist them in creating Values-Based Relationships and then networking together to make their lives better and safer.

● Would you like to meet with me and attend a meeting?

● Would you host a meeting?

If your answer is “yes” to either or both of the above questions – email me by clicking here. I am looking forward to seeing you and sharing our vision.

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

What is Real Power?

One of the definitions of power is -- a possession of control, authority or influence over others. Historically this has been done in two ways. The first and most widely used is PHYSICAL FORCE.  Usually FORCE is backed by some Authority -- laws, the state, a dictator, military might -- and those with the most wealth. In a number of cases, the Authority behind the use of PHYSICAL FORCE is based upon TRUTHS which may be backed by either BELIEFS or FACTS.

● A BELIEF is an evaluation in which trust or confidence is placed, although WITHOUT ABSOLUTE PROOF that one is right.

● A FACT is something that has the QUALITY OF BEING ACTUAL; something that has actual existence; an actual PERCEIVABLE occurrence.

The difference between TRUTHS and BELIEFS is that TRUTHS are based on STANDARDS. Standards are rules for measuring things that are generally accepted as correct or right. A Standard may be based on facts or beliefs. Belief based Standards are backed by Authority.

Power is something that humans rarely ever share. Those with Power do everything they can legally – and often illegally -- to keep it. This has played out in many destructive ways in human history -- from ancient empires, the Roman Church, Hitler, Stalin, Watergate -- the list goes on and on and on. One fact that we must keep in mind is that the use of PHYSICAL FORCE sooner or later causes those who suffer the affects to rebel.

Humans have a second Power Option -- VERBAL PERSUASION. It may also be used for destructive ends. How many people have knocked on your door to PERSUADE you that their beliefs are correct and yours are wrong, while trying to persuade you that you will somehow suffer eternal punishment if you do not agree with their beliefs? How many politicians use a version of that argument to get your vote? How many cult leaders have persuaded intelligent people to place “trust” in their twisted perverse uses of religion – often delusions of grandeur – that end with their followers being abused and becoming mentally ill, committing suicide (sometimes as a group), or filling the leader's pockets by giving him or her all of their money or property?

All of us use power options every day when we want someone else to do or not do something. Thank goodness, the option people choose is Verbal Persuasion. How we use our power options affects the quality of relationships we have.  One of my clients recently had an "Aha" moment. He is an older gentleman, very successful, very intelligent, lived all over the world, finest of everything. He can be very boastful, opinionated and self-centered. These are areas we are working on. I told him the story of what my own counselor said to me one day about my struggle with obesity. He said:

"You are a person who has a real presence; you don't have to be the size of three people to establish that. People can see and feel it about you when they meet you!"

I told my client that he does not have to IMPOSE his power over others. People are aware of his power the moment he walks into the room. Good relationships are built by people trying to IMPOSE their power on others -- they are built by people who are not afraid to share power! This works in all relationships.

Power options in the TOV Center Model are used to produce actions (including words and thoughts) that Preserve Life, Protect Life, Make Life More Functional and Increase the Quality of Life. PHYSICAL FORCE is used only against those who are a direct threat to lives of others. Actions are measured by how they affect human life and when those actions kill or harm others, PHYSICAL FORCE is often the only barrier that will stop them. Protective Barriers, including setting boundaries, are important TOV Values.

For those living in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex area I have a special request.

I want to meet with people and share the TOV Center vision of helping individuals incorporate Time-Tested TOV Values in their lives, assist them in creating Values-Based Relationships and then networking together to make their lives better and safer.

● Would you like to meet with me and attend a meeting?

● Would you host a meeting?

If your answer is “yes” to either or both of the above questions – email me by clicking here. I am looking forward to seeing you and sharing our vision.

Shalom,

Rabbi Jeffrey Leynor

Rabbi, tell me why I should go on living.

In a previous blog I shared some quotes from Rabbi Harold Kushner’s latest book, Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life. It is a book I recommend highly because it is full of stories that reflect TOV values and principles. Today I want to share another very interesting story from the book, which may be read in its entirety on pages 131- 140. It is a conversation Rabbi Kushner had with a woman and her husband who came to him for counseling. Below is how the meeting began.

“Rabbi, tell me why I should go on living.” The woman who sat across from me and spoke those words was a member of my congregation, though I did not know her well. I had officiated at the bar mitzvah services of her two sons some twenty years earlier and had had no meaningful contact with the family since then. I would estimate her age to have been in the mid-to late fifties. There was nothing striking about her appearance or the way she was dressed. Her voice was flat, with little emotion apart from a pervasive sadness. Her husband sat with her, not close enough to reach out and take her hand. He seemed equally discouraged and did not say a word during our time together.

She went on: “There are no medical issues; my health is good. There are no financial problems. We put our boys through college at a state school and we can pay our bills. I had a job until a couple of years ago when I was laid off. It’s just that I feel that most of the nice things that will ever happen to me have already happened and I have nothing to look forward to. I’m getting older. Neither of my boys has a serious girlfriend, but even if they did, and even if I approved of the girl and her family, I like to think I would enjoy going to their wedding, but then what? Two nice days in the next thirty years? And if I didn’t get along with the girl’s family, I wouldn’t even have that.”

What did you think as you read her words? Rabbi Kushner shares thoughts that went through his mind.

I wasn’t sure how to respond. My initial impression was that she was bored with her life, but I didn’t think it would be helpful to tell her that. I have had conversations with people who had been seriously injured in automobile accidents and would never walk normally again. I have sat at the bedsides of people diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would only get worse. I have dried the tears of men and women (mostly women) whose mates had left them, their parting words being the prediction that no one would ever love them. And I tried to give them all reasons to wake up the next morning and look forward to the new day. But I had never before been asked to counsel someone who didn’t want to go on living because she found life boring.

I found it very interesting that in all of the years he had been a rabbi, he “had never before been asked to counsel someone who didn’t want to go on living because she found life boring.” This is the advice he gave her.

“I can’t believe you came here expecting me to tell you that I agreed with you, that life was pointless, so let me try to help you.” I pointed out that if her life was lacking in drama, it might be because she was operating with a limited cast of characters: herself, a husband, and two children. She had spoken about her husband and two sons, but were there no other family members, no friends, no organizations she belonged to?

I thought she might consider reaching out to include a few more people in her life, and if she wasn’t comfortable taking the first step to do that (I suspected she wasn’t), there were all sorts of ready-made groups she could join. “I hope you realize,” I told her, “that the synagogue isn’t only a place where one comes to pray to God. There are a lot of activities — book groups, social groups, ways of being of service to the community — that don’t involve a religious commitment, and they are always looking for new members.”

“The other thing that concerned me about what you   said to me was that it was all about what other people were or were not doing tor you, and that is something you don’t have a lot of control over. I didn’t hear anything about what you were doing with or for others, yet that might be the exact thing to start changing, the easiest way to feel better about your life. I’ve been a rabbi for a long time and I’ve dealt with a lot of people who were hurting — women whose husbands had died or had left the marriage, people grieving the death of a child or the loss of a job, people whose deteriorating health left them unable to do the things they once enjoyed. In every case, I gave them one rule and it almost always worked: the best way to feel better about yourself is to find someone to help. The widow, the parent whose child has died or is critically ill, those people not only have the right, they have the almost magical power to say to someone else who is hurting something that doctors and clergy aren’t in a position to say: `I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there. Let’s talk about it.’”

After that he shared several stories from the Bible that related to her situation. He closed the session with these words.

“You came here asking why you should go on living. I can’t give you a compelling answer. I can only give you advice born of my own experience, which has probably been very different from yours. But I can tell you this with one hundred percent confidence:

Stick with life, let more people into your life, learn to care about them. Leave them grateful for having known you. Cleave to your family; go to your sons’ weddings. One day down the road, probably more than one, you will pause and remember this conversation and you will say to yourself, I’m glad I lived to see this. How could I ever have thought about missing out on this?”

I hope you enjoyed and appreciated the TOV wisdom woven throughout Rabbi Kushner’s account. His book is Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life. It is a very good read and would be a great gift.

If you like this blog and would like to see others like it, go to the TOV Center Facebook Page and “Like It” -- click here . Thanks for reading this blog and please share it with others. To visit our website – click here.